30 things about me that have changed since I turned 30

ONE

 My tolerance for bullshit is almost zero. I have been known to suddenly cut people out of my life when they’ve hurt me too many times or bring too much negativity into my life. It’s not that i enjoy cutting people out, rather, i do this simply to protect myself.

TWO

I don’t have time for a meaningless relationship. I’m in my 30’s – I’m too old to waste my time and I can’t see any benefits of it. When I’m with someone, i will commit to him and learn to love everything about him. I can cheat and flirt with other men if i want to, i just chose not to because, in the end, all i want is to love and to be loved by the right person. But, if i start to feel the relationship is toxic or going nowhere, i know when to put an end to it. 

THREE

My patience level increase. It’s quite surprising even for myself. Haha. For many years, my reaction to the presence of delay, difficulty and annoyance was to get angry or at least upset. Then I realized that this response served only to make an already stressful and unpleasant situation worse. So, i started to train myself to “tolerate” and accept all those things open-heartedly. Then, i noticed that being patient gave rise to a feeling of equanimity. It helps me to make a better decision and react to things calmly. Being the “new” me is something that i am really proud of. I am more laid-back now. 

FOUR

I’m learning to express my feelings more. Well, expressing my feelings makes me feel vulnerable, and I always worry telling people how I feel will just drive them away. Most of the time, people don’t even realize they’ve hurt me because I haven’t said anything about it. 

FIVE

I don’t like people to make a decision for me or ask me to do things without asking me first. I grew up doing things for my family – sacrificed my needs. Things were not easy for me back then. I refused to go back to that version of Hani. The older i get, the more i try to protect myself from doing things without my willingness. 

SIX

People who are always on their phone pissed me off. I used to be like this in my 20’s but i managed to avoid the habit by quitting Facebook and spend less time on Instagram. I forbid myself to use a phone at the dining table. If i really need to use it, I’ll ask for permission. That’s how i train myself to not get too attached to it. 

SEVEN

I am becoming a better and more understanding person. Often our egos are what seem to get in the way of understanding those who we love and care about. The willingness to understand is very important. It is not always easy, but healthy love is strengthened by the willingness to understand. The painful reality is that love is just not enough. Love without understanding will wilt like flowers without water. 

EIGHT

Music is the only thing that can calm me from sadness and anger. I swear to God, it was hard to control me when i got angry. My anger issues were really bad. I used to take it out on somebody else, throw things, etc. And I’m just happy to not be that person anymore. 

NINE

I started to forgive people who have wronged me in the past. I realized that there’s no point holding grudges. I accept that being alive means sometimes getting hurt, and sometimes hurting others; it’s best to move on and not waste too much time or energy on something that ultimately does nothing for me. Refusing to forgive, the saying goes, is like drinking poison and waiting for someone else to die. 

TEN

I have lost my skill to do makeup lol. Haha. The older i get, the less make up i need. I skipped foundation altogether and use CC cream instead. My main focus now is to maintain my skin’s health because skin changes in our 30’s. I also realized how important it is to use sunscreen every time i go out. 

ELEVEN

I don’t like arguments. I hate it!. I prefer to say nothing at all or I’ll just say “Okay”. I don’t care much about winning. It’s a waste of energy.  

TWELVE

I stopped telling someone how to love me properly. If they love me, they know how to keep me – they know how to take good care of me. No one is a mind-reader – Yes, i know that. That’s why i put an effort to tell people how i feel. If they keep treating me badly, i will just assume that i don’t matter to them. Well…logically, you don’t ruin something or someone you love right? 

THIRTEEN 

I start to accept the fact that I can’t do anything about my past. It’s done and can’t be mended. The only good thing about my past is that, if i open up and tell people about it, maybe they will understand me more – maybe they will understand why i am who i am now. 

FOURTEEN

I’ve learned that apologizing when i hurt someone who really matters to me takes nothing away from me. It’s so easy to just apologize and move on. Sometimes, just saying “sorry” without making any excuses is all people want to hear. 

FIFTEEN

Trust isn’t something I just hand out for free – it always has to be earned. People tend to take advantage of you when you trust them easily. We human we don’t have the same heart. I’ve been screwed over by people I thought had my back more times than I can count. Because of that, I don’t trust easily. Bad memories, hurtful words and betrayal have made me more careful. – but you know what? I’m totally okay with that. The few people I do trust are ones who’ve really earned it.  

 

SIXTEEN

How important it is to do medical check-up annually! Going to the doctor gives me anxiety. That’s what keeps me from making an appointment. The main fear about going to the doctor is that – I’m scared of the unknown. I’m scared the doctor will find something seriously wrong. For this year I’m glad i did it and yay! i’m a healthy person. 

SEVENTEEN

I care about my family even more. My family are my everything. They have been there for me from the very beginning and they will be there until the end. Maintaining the bond with my family are the most important thing in my life now. 

EIGHTEEN

If someone hurts me, it’s okay. I should be nice anyway. Maybe they are hurting too. But If i hurt someone, it’s important for me to apologize and fix it immediately. Otherwise, it will be stuck on my mind for the whole day and I’ll have trouble to sleep at night.

NINETEEN

It’s not inherently bad to be a highly sensitive person. I used to be ashamed of it. Sensitive is often equated with being weak or dramatic. Yes, i am soft, i am gentle, I care so fucking much. But i think that’s what makes me strong. I find meaning in everything – yes i do mean everything, i am more emphatic – putting myself in someone else’s shoes happens automatically. One of my favourite aspects of being sensitive is finding wonder in the smallest of thing – an unexpected kiss on the forehead or squeeze of the hand from my partner can warm up my whole body with wellbeing. I also can detect the slightest change in the way someone acts or talks to me. Not everyone has this special trait. I am proud that I am a sensitive person and wouldn’t change a thing about it. 

TWENTY

Writing seems to flow more fluently for me. Writing allows me to express myself freely which i can’t do it verbally. Ever since I started writing, more people have opened up to me because they can relate to my stories. I’ve made deeper connections and met amazing people. 

TWENTY-ONE

I accept the fact that people change with time. This change can be a change for the better or the worse. It is a natural part of life. It cannot be avoided. It’s best to always choose acceptance – learn to accept any situation in which life or our relationships surprise us. 

TWENTY-TWO

Being nice to everyone can get me into a lot of trouble. I’ve been raised to be polite and treat people the way i want to be treated – to respect others. I like to make people around me happy and spreading happiness is my kind of thing because I take pleasure from it. All these contributed to some of my life’s worst regret. People take advantage of this trait in me. I trust my gut now and know when to strike back.

TWENTY-THREE

I like being alone BUT being alone with someone who is matter to me are precious. I’m the happiest when I get to spend quality time with my partner/ family/ siblings or best friends. Trust me, introvert doesn’t like to spend their time with people who don’t matter to them but when it comes to people they love, it’s a different story.  

“Spend lots of quality time with the people you love. Someday you will regret not doing so, or you will say, ‘I’m glad I did.'” Marc Chernoff, Blogger

TWENTY-FOUR

I always tell myself to look good whenever I go out. Well, you never really know who you’re gonna bump into right? Dressing nice will boost your confidence. If you look good, you will feel good – it’s that simple. I love myself enough to give a damn about looking my best especially when i go out with my partner. 

TWENTY-FIVE

I don’t like to waste my time to go to the place I don’t like or hang out with people I don’t know. So far as i know, I’m bad at faking things. When i don’t like something or uncomfortable with it, people can see it from my face. I can’t act. I simply don’t have this “people” energy like extroverts. I pick my social interactions carefully. I can go out and have fun if i want to, but after that, I’ll desperately need recovery time. 

TWENTY-SIX

I don’t talk much about my life as much as I do before. I became more private. From what I’ve observed, the older i get, the less compelled i feel to share what goes on in my life with others, even sometimes with those closest to me. It takes a lot of trial and error to learn who is worthy. I have made the mistake of telling the wrong things to the wrong people and having it come back to bite me in the butt. Privacy, maturity and trust all swim in the same pool, and with age, i learn how to float in it.

TWENTY-SEVEN

I became more strict about decision-making. With me, there is no in between. It is either all or nothing – yes or no – good or bad – stay or leave – black or white etc. I am as simple as that. I believe life is what you make of it. If you make easy then life goes easy and if you make hard then life goes hard. 

TWENTY-EIGHT

It is always worth to spend money on travelling. I started to have interest in travelling (as a solo traveller) when i was 28. Since then, i have spent all my money on travel. Travel changed my mindset. I became more open to learn about other culture, religion, history, etc and it forces me to grow in unbelievable ways. Nothing makes me feel more happy, alive, grateful and connected than travelling. So to be honest, I cannot afford NOT to travel.

TWENTY-NINE

If people choose to walk away from my life, I won’t stop them. I don’t care about losing friendships or relationships anymore. I don’t even speak to some of my family members and it doesn’t bother me a bit. People come and go. They are not meant to stay in my life forever. It is what it is. I’m not here, in this world to chase anyone or beg them for their friendship and loyalty. 

THIRTY

Attraction is so important. I want to be able to look at my man and be attracted to him even years after being together. Don’t fall off because you think you’ve found someone. Self-maintenance is for you. It should always be kept.

 

 

 

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