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Life has a unique way of teaching us lessons, often through moments of pain and heartache. These experiences shape who we become and for me, they’ve created a cautiousness with my emotions. The hurt I’ve endured has taught me to be protective of my heart—to guard it fiercely and ensure I prioritize my well-being. One hurtful act now has the power to deeply impact the bonds I share with others. When hurt, my natural response is to retreat, build emotional walls, and distance myself from the source of pain.

Last Friday was a breaking point for me. I found myself crying harder than I had in a long time. It wasn’t just the stress or the overwhelming workload that pushed me to that point. It was the feeling of betrayal from someone I had trusted—a colleague who I also considered a friend.

In a work environment rife with complaints and devoid of trust, I’ve always tried to take a different approach. I rarely vent about my struggles, choosing to deal with them quietly, understanding that everyone carries their own burdens. But this betrayal hit differently. It made me question why I even bother being kind or letting people into my life when the risk of being hurt feels so inevitable.

The Weight of a Missed Gesture

This wasn’t the first time I’ve felt this way. A similar hurt struck me on my birthday some time ago. Someone I considered my closest friend went completely silent that day. Not even a simple “Happy Birthday” text. I later learned he was having a bad day. For some, this might seem trivial, but to me, it was deeply hurtful. A simple message would have taken less than a minute, yet it didn’t happen. It reminded me of another birthday years ago, when my best friend had been outright rude to me at my own party because she was having a rough day. That moment ended our friendship.

The same now applies to him. Despite his apologies, I couldn’t reply as warmly as I once would. Something shifted in me. The connection we had began to fade, and the friendship dissolved over something as seemingly small as a missed text. But to me, it was a glaring reminder of how little my feelings seemed to matter.

Why Hurt Hits Harder From Friends

I understand that hurt is an inevitable part of life. I can’t shield myself from every disappointment, no matter how much I try. But it’s different when the hurt comes from someone I consider a friend—someone I believed cared about me and valued our bond. That’s when it cuts the deepest.

I’m not one to wear my heart on my sleeve, and I might appear tough on the outside, but inside, I’m deeply affected when someone I trust lets me down. It’s not that I expect perfection; I just wish for the same level of care and consideration that I give to others. When that isn’t reciprocated, it’s hard not to feel disheartened.

The Fragility of Friendships

Friendships, I’ve learned, can be fragile. Even with the best intentions, people can let us down. I try to remind myself that everyone has their flaws, just as I do. But when someone’s actions feel dismissive or hurtful, it’s difficult to overlook—especially when I know I wouldn’t treat them the same way.

When my feelings change, I naturally pull away. It’s not intentional or out of spite; it’s just how I cope. Once hurt, the trust and closeness I once felt can’t easily return. I wish it were simpler. I wish I could let go of the pain and move on, but life doesn’t always work that way.

Appreciating Those Who Stay

Despite the heartache, I’ve come to appreciate the people who continue to treat me with kindness and respect. They remind me that not everyone will hurt me and that some friendships are worth holding onto. It’s these connections that give me hope and keep me open to the possibility of building meaningful bonds again.

To anyone who has ever felt the sting of a friend’s hurtful actions, know that it’s okay to protect yourself. It’s okay to distance yourself from those who don’t value your feelings. But also remember to cherish those who do. Life might hurt us, but it also gives us the strength to heal and grow—to find and nurture the relationships that truly matter.

Til then. X, Hani.