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Views Last 30 days : 4038I was talking to a friend recently about her breakup, and as she shared her story, her voice cracked under the weight of her pain. It broke my heart. I wanted to tell her that she would be okay, that the pain would fade, and that life would eventually make sense again—but I couldn’t.
Because I know the truth.
She won’t be okay—not today, not tomorrow. Not anytime soon.
No amount of reassurance could take that away from her. So, I didn’t try. Instead, I sat with her in her grief, offering warmth where words would only fall short.
My tears began to fall.
I remember that pain.
I remember it all too well.
When Love Feels Like It’s Been Ripped Away
Breakups don’t just hurt your heart; they consume your entire being. They take something deeper from you—the love, the memories, the version of yourself that existed with them, and leave you questioning everything: your worth, your choices, even the love you once thought was unshakeable.
There are nights when the pain is unbearable when no amount of crying seems to release the weight in your chest. I remember a night like that—one where I was in so much pain that even my body felt like it was failing me. I got dressed, grabbed my keys, and was ready to go to my ex’s place looking for closure…just for him to say something. Anything.
But just as I was about to leave, something held me back. My body refused to move. Instead, I collapsed to my knees, sobbing so loudly it felt like my entire being was breaking apart.
At that moment, I felt worthless. I hated myself for loving someone so deeply. I hated what he did to me, but even that couldn’t erase the love I still had for him.
And in that pain, I swore I would never love again.
The Cruelty of Heartbreak
Selena Gomez once said in The Heart Wants What It Wants (Extended Intro Version):
“Everybody goes through, I guess, something like this but… I didn’t really understand it. And I have no other option but to laugh at this point because everybody asks, why do you still stay? And I’m like……. I guess I don’t love myself first. That’s it. It’s not really………. That’s it…”
Isn’t that the cruellest part of heartbreak? You look back and wonder if they ever loved you the way you deserved.
If you had just loved yourself first, maybe you wouldn’t have tolerated the bare minimum.
Maybe you wouldn’t have convinced yourself that someone would change.
Maybe you wouldn’t have to be the only one fighting…trying.
Maybe you wouldn’t have picked someone who, deep down, you knew was going to break your heart.
Letting Go with Love
Letting go of someone you still love feels like tearing a piece of yourself away. It’s the kind of pain that lingers, that makes your chest ache at the thought of them moving on without you, but sometimes, the deepest act of love isn’t holding on—it’s knowing when to set them free.
Not by waiting. Not by chasing. Not by hoping they’ll wake up one day and realise what they lost.
It’s by silently wishing them well from afar—by accepting that love doesn’t always mean staying; it also means letting go with grace.
You may not be in their life anymore. You may never get to see the person they become, but love isn’t about possession; it’s about wanting the best for someone, even when that best no longer includes you. So, you send them love in your prayers. You ask for their happiness, their healing, their peace—even when they aren’t yours anymore.
That is love in its purest form. The kind of love that will eventually set you free, too.
The Reality of Healing
Moving on is never as simple as people make it sound. It’s not just about deleting their pictures, blocking their number, or pretending you don’t care. Letting go of resentment takes time, too, and that path is anything but easy. The journey is often rough, but eventually, you begin to focus on something far more powerful: self-love.
And self-love? It’s not just about lighting candles, taking bubble baths, or treating yourself to solo dates. It’s about fighting the war inside your mind—the one that whispers you’re not enough, that you’ll never love again, that you’ve lost the best thing that’s ever happened to you.
Healing isn’t linear. Some days, you’ll feel like you’ve made progress, like the weight on your chest is finally lifting. You’ll laugh without forcing it and wake up without thinking about them first. Then, out of nowhere, a song will play in a café, or you’ll catch a familiar scent in the air, and suddenly, you’re right back where you started—hurting, remembering, missing them like you just lost them yesterday.
The hardest part? No one can truly save you from it. No amount of advice, distractions, or even new love can do the work for you.
But here’s what I want you to know:
You will survive. You will wake up one day and realise their name doesn’t sting anymore. The memories will soften, losing their power over you. You will love again—not just someone new, but yourself, in ways you never did before.
That’s the reality of healing. It’s messy, painful, and unpredictable, but it will lead you to a version of yourself you never thought you’d become—stronger, wiser, and free.
And that version of you? They’re waiting on the other side of this pain. Keep going. You’ll get there.
You Won’t Be the Same, and That’s Okay
Breakups don’t just end relationships—they change you. They shift the way you see love, the way you trust, and the way you let yourself be vulnerable. I know this because it took me 4 years to open my heart again. 4 years of convincing myself that I was better off alone, that I didn’t need love, that I was fine the way I was—whole, independent, untouchable.
And then, someone came into my life.
At first, I didn’t know how to let him in. I had spent so much time alone, building walls so high that even I didn’t know how to climb over them. The love I once had—the love I gave so freely—felt like it had died with my previous relationship. And in its place was fear. Fear of being hurt again. Fear of losing myself the way I did before. Fear that no matter how much time had passed, I would never truly heal.
However, here’s the thing about love: it doesn’t disappear. It transforms. It finds its way back to you in ways you never expected, through people who show you that love doesn’t have to be painful to be real. When it does, you won’t be the same person you were before.
You’ll be wiser. Stronger. Softer in some ways, harder in others. You’ll be more careful with your heart—not out of fear, but out of respect for everything you’ve been through.
Maybe that’s what heartbreak teaches us—not just about love, but about ourselves.
That we deserve better.
That we need to choose better.
That before we give our hearts to someone else, we have to choose ourselves first.
Healing Takes Time, But You Will Get There
No one can tell you when you’ll heal. It could take months, maybe years. And that’s okay. Healing isn’t a race—it’s a process. One day, without even realising it, you’ll wake up and the breakup that once felt like the end of your world will just be a story you tell. A lesson, not a life sentence.
Right now, you might think you’ll never find anyone like them again. But ask yourself, why would you want to? If they were truly meant for you, they’d still be here. Trust that there’s a reason they’re not. Trust that the universe, God, or whatever you believe in is clearing space for something better.
The world doesn’t end with a breakup. You will meet new people. You will create new memories. While the pain may never fully vanish, it will no longer control you.
So take your time. Let yourself grieve. When the weight of heartbreak exhausts you more than the fear of moving forward, you will stand up—slowly, cautiously, but with the strength to keep going. And when you do, you won’t just survive; you’ll choose yourself.
And that?
That’s how real healing begins.
X, Hani.
