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Views Last 30 days : 4311Today, I want to talk about something that so many of us struggle with: self-care guilt.
Picture this: You, finally getting a quiet moment to yourself. A warm cup of tea, a cosy blanket, a show you’ve been meaning to watch. Just as you start to relax, an unwelcome thought creeps in:
“Shouldn’t you be doing something more productive—spending time with your family or handling some chores?”
Suddenly, what was supposed to be a moment of peace turns into a spiral of guilt. Before you know it, you’re back to ticking off your never-ending to-do list, feeling exhausted and resentful but still somehow convinced that rest is a luxury you can’t afford.
This isn’t just a personal struggle—it’s something many women experience. But why is that? Where does this guilt come from?
The “Good Woman” Expectation
From a young age, many of us are taught—directly or indirectly—that being a “good woman” means putting others first. We grow up watching our mothers, grandmothers, and aunts constantly tending to the needs of their families, often at the expense of their own well-being.
We’re praised for being selfless, caring, and nurturing, but the moment we start focusing on our own needs? That’s when the judgment kicks in.
🔹 “You’re spending money on yourself instead of your family?”
🔹 “You’re taking a break when there’s still so much to do?”
🔹 “How can you be tired when you don’t even have kids yet?”
Sound familiar, right?
Society has conditioned us to believe that our worth is tied to how much we do for others—that being “busy” is a badge of honour, and that self-care is a selfish indulgence rather than a necessity.
Let’s get one thing straight: rest is not a reward. Taking care of yourself is not selfish. The more we buy into the idea that we must run ourselves into the ground to be “good enough,” the harder it becomes to prioritize our own well-being.
The Never-Ending To-Do List
Women are constantly juggling multiple roles—careers, relationships, family responsibilities, social obligations, and personal goals. The to-do list never truly ends, yet we often treat self-care as a reward, thinking:
“I’ll rest once everything is done.”
Let’s be honest, there will always be something else to do. If we keep waiting for the perfect time to prioritize self-care, it will never come.
And let’s be real—how often do we actually get to the “relax” part? By the time we finish everything, we’re too exhausted to do anything for ourselves.
It’s time to stop treating self-care like a luxury we have to earn. It’s not a reward—it’s a necessity.
Why Self-Care Is NOT Selfish
Let’s flip the script for a moment. Imagine your best friend telling you she feels guilty for taking a break. Wouldn’t you tell her she deserves it? That she needs it?
So why can’t you offer yourself the same kindness?
Remind yourself of these truths:
✔️ You can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself doesn’t take away from others—it actually allows you to show up as your best self for them. When you’re rested and recharged, you’re more patient, more present, and more capable.
✔️ Your well-being is just as important as everyone else’s. You are not just someone’s daughter, wife, mother, or employee—you are a person with needs, dreams, and emotions. You deserve to feel good, to rest, and to do things that bring you joy.
✔️ Self-care is a necessity, not a luxury. It’s not just about spa days and vacations (though those are great!). It’s about setting boundaries, getting enough sleep, eating well, saying no when you need to, and making sure your mental, emotional, and physical health are in check.
You don’t need to ‘earn’ self-care. You deserve it simply because you are human. 💖
How to Overcome Self-Care Guilt
Here’s how to shut it down and start prioritizing yourself without feeling bad about it:
1. Reframe Your Mindset
Instead of thinking of self-care as a luxury or something extra, see it as non-negotiable—just like eating, sleeping, and breathing.
Think of your body and mind like your phone. If you never recharge it, it dies. Your energy, mental health, and happiness need recharging too! You can’t function at your best if you’re constantly running on empty.
2. Set Boundaries Without Apology
Women often feel guilty saying no—but setting boundaries isn’t rude; it’s necessary. If you don’t protect your time and energy, no one else will.
Give yourself permission to say:
🚫 “I can’t help with that today, I need some time for myself.”
🚫 “I won’t be available during this time.”
🚫 “I need a break right now—let’s talk later.”
You don’t owe anyone an explanation for taking care of yourself. Period.
3. Schedule Self-Care Like an Appointment
We show up for work meetings, errands, and social obligations—so why not treat self-care with the same importance?
- Put it on your calendar. Block out time for your workout, hobby, or even just doing nothing—and treat it like an unmissable appointment.
- Stick to it. If someone tries to interrupt your me time, stand firm. You wouldn’t cancel a work meeting for no reason—why cancel on yourself?
4. Start Small and Build From There
Self-care isn’t just about spa days or vacations (though those are nice!). It starts with small, everyday moments that nurture your well-being:
✨ Take 10 minutes to breathe and relax, guilt-free.
✨ Enjoy a cup of coffee/tea without scrolling or distractions.
✨ Take a short walk outside to reset your mind.
✨ Say “no” to anything that drains you.
The more you practice self-care, the easier it becomes. Over time, it won’t feel like an indulgence—it’ll feel like what it truly is: a necessity.
5. Let Go of the Guilt—For Good!
The next time self-care guilt creeps in, take a deep breath and remind yourself:
🌸 “I am allowed to take care of myself.”
🌸 “Rest is productive.”
🌸 “I deserve to feel good and be happy.”
Release the guilt. Choose yourself. You are worthy of the care you so freely give to everyone else.
Final Thoughts: You Deserve This!
Self-care is not a reward for working hard—it’s a right. It’s a declaration that you matter. You do not need to “earn” rest or justify why you deserve joy. When you prioritize your well-being, you’re not just benefiting yourself—you’re showing up as your best self for the people who matter most.
So take the nap. Read the book. Book the massage. Say no. Take a break. And do it all without a single ounce of regret. Because a well-rested, happy, and fulfilled you? That’s the best gift you can give—to yourself and everyone around you.
Let go of the guilt.
And remind yourself: You are not just here to give. You are here to live, too.
X, Auri.
