wanderhoney.com

“What have we achieved this year?” I asked my close friend at work, and as soon as those words left my mouth, we burst into laughter because we already knew the answer. That day, I wandered into his room for a chat since it was one of those bland, boring office days. It turned out to be one of the best decisions I made because, honestly, I hadn’t had a conversation with anyone in days. We started discussing the struggles we’d both faced this year—how things hadn’t really improved, how we weren’t exactly getting richer. 😂 But, here’s the good news: we both still have rich hearts, even though I’ve tried to convince people that I’ve turned to the dark side. Haha. 😁🧛‍♀️

We’ve been close friends for 4 years, and over time, we’ve come to understand each other’s stories—our highs, lows, and everything in between. When I’m struggling, there’s no one else I’d rather talk to than someone who truly gets me. Plus, we’re both Swifties. Swifties have each other’s backs, right?🥰 I trusted him with my life, and that conversation lifted a weight off my shoulders. It helped me close at least one tab in my mind, and now I feel more clear about what to do next.

But, to be honest, I don’t think I’ve made much progress on my goals this year. Yet, when I look at other areas, like my emotional state, I can say I’m in a much better place than I was last year. Despite everything I’ve had to handle, I feel more at peace with myself and my life. My mind feels stronger, too. And hey, I even got something I’ve always wanted—a Sony camera! 😍 It’s a dream come true and a reward for getting through the hard times. So, despite the challenges, it’s been a good year. I know I can do even better if I keep pushing myself, but for now, I’m happy, and I’m grateful.

It’s 3:30 AM, and I haven’t slept yet.

Well, not exactly. I went to bed around 1:00 AM, but about 40 minutes later, I woke up from a dream about a python and a white snake under my bed. I immediately jumped out, turned on the light, and checked under my bed—nothing there, thankfully. But now, I’ve been wide awake ever since. I had planned to take time off from writing to fix my sleep pattern, but it doesn’t seem like that’s going to happen. Writing is the one thing I enjoy doing, especially at this hour. I wanted to text Jay like I usually do, but I know he’s busy watching FIFA and dealing with his own life. So, I don’t want to interrupt him.

OK, anyway, it seems my nightmares are coming back.

They stopped for a while, but now every time I close my eyes, I feel like I’m in a horror movie. People tell me my obsession with horror movies is why I’m having these nightmares, but here’s the thing: horror movies are actually the only way I cope with them. I’ve been dealing with recurring nightmares since I was a kid, long before I ever saw a horror movie. I started watching them as a teen to build up the courage to face my nightmares head-on. And it worked.

Now, I’m braver than I should be. If we were trapped in a scary place with a group of people, I’d be the one leading the way out—responsible for everyone’s survival, or… demise. 😂

If anyone’s interested in researching nightmares, night terrors, or sleep paralysis, count me in. I’ll participate, but only if you pay me. As the Joker once said😂:

It’s almost 6 AM now, and I really should try to get some sleep—not because I’m tired, but because my cat has been by my side since I woke up. He’s stayed next to me the entire time, watching me write, only leaving to eat and drink, then right back to his spot. So loyal. So supportive.

He’s like the kind of man I’ve never had in my life—just in cat form. 😂

OK, I’m going to try to sleep for at least an hour. I didn’t spend much time editing this post because it’s just a stream of thoughts, but I’m pretty confident in it. I’ll re-read it when I wake up.

Take care, everyone!

X, Hani. ❤