Wanderhoney.Com

It feels like just yesterday we were celebrating the New Year, yet here we are—a week has passed. Crazy how time flies! and honestly, I’m terrified of getting older. More than that, I’m afraid of running out of time to accomplish everything I’ve set out to do. On a mental and emotional level, I’m content with who I am and who I’ve become. But when it comes to my life’s achievements, I still have a long way to go before I feel satisfied.

Speaking of achievements, Nat told me today he’s already read three books since the start of the year. Meanwhile, here I am—still at zero. To make myself feel better, I’ll admit that I’ve been studying grammar and learning a new word every day with Nat’s guidance. He’s also teaching me Australian slang (though I’m not sure how useful the slang will be to me, haha). My favourite new words are “petrified,” “instigate,” and “mellifluous.” As for slang, I’m obsessed with these gems:

• “Crikey!” – an expression of surprise
• “Ta” – shorthand for thank you
• “Cake hole” – meaning mouth. 😂

Defo (yes, that means “definitely”) going to slip these into my daily conversations!

This week has been such a learning experience for me. I’ve really enjoyed it, especially because Nat has been so encouraging. He’s brilliant—good at math and a treasure trove of knowledge about music and writing. Compared to him, I feel like a potato. 😂 My brain struggles with numbers, and when the math gets too hard, it just crashes: brain not found. Considering I work in finance and accounting, you’d think I’d love numbers. Nope. If I had the choice, I’d quit in a heartbeat to pursue something else. But for now, for reasons I can’t disclose, I have to stay. Someday, though. Maybe someday, Hani.

On the brighter side, I’m motivated to expand my knowledge this year. I’m even considering taking an archaeology course because I’ve developed a fascination with prehistory and human history. The problem is my “goldfish memory.” History and weak memory aren’t exactly best friends, so I need to figure out how to improve my recall. Maybe eating more stroopwafels will help? 😁

Embracing my solitude.

I have to mention something here because this happened to me recently. 

Some people tried to persuade me that I needed someone in my life and that I would become lonely as I aged. This is what I want these people to understand:

When you’ve spent a great deal amount of time in bad company and have experienced what it’s like to feel lonely even when you have a partner, you’ll be more appreciate of being alone.

So, no, I’m not lonely. I’m happy and whole on my own. The last 3 years have been the happiest of my life. I’m free, I love myself more, and I’m healthier in every way. I rarely want to make space for new people, especially men. I’ve grown so comfortable in my own company that I don’t feel the need to fill it with anyone else. Yes, I’ll admit that in the past 3 years, I’ve treated some men unfairly. But trust me, it was for the best.

The more someone pushes the idea of dating me, the more anxious and pressured I feel. It makes me uncomfortable. Maybe it’s because I’m not emotionally ready, or maybe I simply don’t want to be with anyone right now. 🤷‍♀️ Please don’t try to convince me otherwise—I know myself and what I want. 

I’ll take my time. I’m not in a rush; what’s meant for me will come. If I like someone, I’ll keep in touch. If not, I limit contact—it’s that simple. I no longer talk to people just to see if there’s a connection anymore. If I don’t feel it, I won’t waste my time. Period. That’s just how I work now.

For now, I’m looking forward to sitting in front of the TV with Jack, cheering on my favourite team in the Le Mans virtual race.

Until then. X, Hani. ❤