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I recently had a conversation with someone who seemed to be facing some tough challenges in life. I find it very difficult to say anything positive to him and I don’t think anybody else can, because when someone is going through a tough time, their emotions often lean toward the negative side. As someone who has experienced similar feelings in the past, I truly empathize with what he’s going through.

We’ve all experienced situations that brought us down, while some of us find ways to pick ourselves up and move forward, others may struggle to break free from a cycle of negativity and what’s even more concerning is that they still depend on others for their own happiness. 

I can relate to what it’s like to feel this way because I felt that way for a very long time in my life, and sometimes, I still experience similar feelings when something bad happens to me. This personal connection has taught me an important lesson from talking to someone who is feeling broken: the importance of being a good listener and never judging their situation. Avoid giving any advice because that’s not what they need; they just need someone to listen to them and provide a caring presence. So, whatever they said, I didn’t exactly agree or disagree. Instead, I responded with “a big hug for you” and “Hang in there, I’m here if you need someone to talk to.”

As someone who once depended on someone else for my own happiness, I want to share some of my perspectives on what I’ve learned.

1. While your loved ones and therapist can offer valuable support, the power to make positive changes lies within you.

Within each of us, there are two voices: one that is filled with negativity and another one that encourages hope and progress. It’s like having a constant tug-of-war within ourselves, where we must decide which voice to heed. It’s completely normal to experience moments of doubt and pessimism, but if we allow ourselves to dwell on negativity for too long, we risk becoming trapped in a cycle of despair.

While your loved ones and therapists can offer support and helpful advice, the ultimate responsibility for your well-being lies with you. Choosing hope and progress can make a difference, helping you break free from feeling down and move forward in life. Be aware of how you talk to yourself and try to focus on the positive. Remember, no one else can fix you if you’re not willing to take steps to fix yourself. The power to change is in your hands.

2. You will never find true happiness if you don’t work on being happy on your own.

You can find real happiness by being happy with yourself. If you believe you need someone else to make you happy, it might not be the right time for a relationship. Relying on others for your happiness can lead to disappointment for both you and your partner. Focus on finding happiness within you. When you feel genuinely content on your own, you become stronger and better able to handle life’s challenges. Remember, true happiness comes from taking care of yourself and growing personally. Being self-reliant leads to a more fulfilling life and a positive outlook on facing life’s ups and downs.

Personally, I wouldn’t date someone who can’t find happiness on their own because it would drain me and potentially harm the relationship. It’s essential to be with a partner who can be loving in a healthy way, but not someone who depends solely on me for their happiness.

3. Life is undoubtedly tough. Focus on making your feelings better.

Life can be tough; we all face challenges, setbacks, and disappointments along the way. While it may seem that some people are luckier, constantly comparing ourselves to them won’t lead to true happiness.

I’ve personally experienced my share of hardships in life, including struggles with love, but I’ve chosen not to wallow in self-pity. Over the past four years, I’ve dedicated myself to self-improvement and growth, and it has brought a sense of calm to my life. I’ve learned that dwelling on the past won’t change what has already happened. Instead, I focus on things I can do to make myself feel better and seek a positive perspective and find ways to move forward.

4. Be picky with who you talk to. 

It’s important to be careful about who you talk to. Sharing your feelings with the wrong person can make things worse. We all have different lives and experiences, and some people may not fully understand what you’re going through. They might try to give advice, but it might not be helpful or lead you in the right direction. So, be cautious about who you open up to and share your feelings with.

Remember, sharing your thoughts and feelings is a vulnerable act. Surround yourself with supportive people who uplift and encourage you. Take the time to think about the people in your life and how they make you feel. Look for those who are good listeners and show empathy. Sometimes, friends or family may not be the best choice if they don’t understand or support you. In those situations, talking to a professional, like a therapist, can give you a safe space to express yourself without judgment.

5. Being too negative and sad all the time can drain people around you.

Let’s face it – experiencing negative feelings occasionally is a normal part of life, and we all go through tough times. However, if you’re consistently negative and sad, it can drive people away as they feel drained by your energy. I also prefer to avoid spending time with people who consistently project sadness and negativity, as it takes a toll on my own well-being.

The truth is, maintaining such a negative outlook can create a barrier between you and others. It’s important to recognize the impact our emotions have on our interactions with friends and family. Instead of dwelling solely on the negative aspects of life, consider finding healthier ways to cope with challenging emotions. Strive to have a more positive outlook, which can make you and those around you feel better.

Hope this helps! X, Hani.