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We, humans, can’t run away from sadness. It is considered one of the basic human emotions. It is a normal response to situations that are upsetting, painful, or disappointing. The sadness can hit you anytime it wants although the life events happened in the past. It can be a difficult emotion to deal with, not only because of the pain it causes but also because of the factors that caused the sadness in the first place.

Growing up, people always thought that I was a happy person, talkative, and cheerful around people. I made jokes all the time and laughed a lot too. I still do, but I am much different now. The truth is, I have this happy personality and a really sad soul in one body. It’s weird. In the past, I was kind of using people to distract myself from what was happening in my life, but once I was alone, I struggled to find any happiness at all. I cried myself to sleep almost every night.

Looking back now, I can see how much I’ve changed. I prefer to be alone whenever sadness hits me. It’s the only way I can reset or recharge myself. Some people can pick themselves up quickly. I’m one of them. Unfortunately, some people, can’t. So, how do I deal with my sadness and be happy instead?

1. I don’t try to distract myself anymore. I accept the sadness. 

Most people will tell you to go out with friends and have some fun. The problem with this solution is that it is unhealthy. You can’t ignore or suppress sad feelings. There’s no alternative: when we’re sad, we need to accept it. I use this tea trick :

2. I pampered myself. 

I treat myself like I’m sick. Minimum of 24 hours to myself. I take some time off from work. I nap as much as I can. I eat whatever I want. I catch up on movies or series I’ve always wanted to watch. I do online shopping and buy whatever I want. I’ll get a body massage or go to the hair salon if I feel like it.

3. I listen to music all the time. 

I can’t live a day without music. Music is my therapy. When I’ve had a rough day, music can make me feel damn good. I created a playlist on Spotify based on my mood. I will specifically listen to the sad songs playlist whenever I feel sad. Sad songs help me express my feelings. It makes me feel like I am not alone and that there are people out there who can understand my feelings. I usually make myself cry because it’s a good thing. Crying triggers your body to release oxytocin, which can help with physical pain relief and make you feel safe.

4. Being careful with whom I share my sadness with. 

There are two types of people: those who will listen to you and support you mentally and physically, and those who will only listen to you with the intent of responding, judging you, and comparing you to their stories. You need to be careful with whom you share your sadness with. Whatever it is, remember that pain is not a competition. You cannot compare another person’s pain to your own. You can’t say yours is worse or better than others. Small or big, everyone’s pain is valid. As for myself, I don’t like to share much verbally. But yeah, everyone knows that I write.

A little note: If someone wants to share their sadness with you, just listen. Sometimes the best way to help is to say nothing. Give them a long, tight hug, and let them know that you will be there for them in any way they need you.

5. I don’t dwell in sadness for too long. 

Most of my sadness is related to my past. I have trauma and bad memories that I could never forget. I used to allow myself to dwell on it. It is such a difficult habit to break, but I did make a lot of healthy changes because I got tired of wallowing in my negativity and sadness. People will eventually get tired of you too if you keep dwelling on the same things over and over again. This is what I do: I’ll take my time to be sad. Usually for 2-3 days (max, a week). It’s perfectly OK. I never let anyone tell me otherwise. But then. I bounce back. Pick myself up again. I focus on positive energy and listen to motivational speeches every day too.

Before I end my writing, remember that feeling sad does not mean you have depression. But if your mood starts to interfere with your life and how you function, then you may become depressed. In this case, it is important to seek help. Take care, everyone!