wanderhoney.com

You know that feeling when your brain has way too many tabs open? Thoughts racing, ideas bouncing around, and a never-ending to-do list staring back at you? Yeah, that’s me right now. Completely overwhelmed. I swear, if brains could overheat, mine would’ve burst into flames by now. Can someone please swap brains with me? Just for a day? No? Okay. 😬

My brother, being the ray of sunshine he is, told me, “Your ADHD is getting worse.”

Yup, I hate him for that. Instead of being supportive, he planted the idea in my head, and now I can’t help but wonder—“Do I really have ADHD?”

Great, just what I needed—another tab open in my brain.

As the year wraps up, I can’t stop thinking about this project I was supposed to start months ago. But life had other plans, and instead of making progress, I spent months feeling lost, trying to restructure everything in my head. The thing is, I don’t give up easily. If I want something, I’ll chase it down, no matter how many times I fail. Right now, I just wish I had someone to talk to about it—someone who would actually listen.

I miss Nat. He’s the only person who knew about my project. We used to talk about it all the time, but sometimes people aren’t meant to stay in your life forever. 

It’s sad to realize that you don’t really have control over who stays in your life. If people decide they don’t want to be around anymore, you just have to let them go. I never know when someone might just leave, so I try to treat every conversation as if it’s the last time I’ll ever speak to them.

Everyone has their own lives to live, right? I never want to be in a position where I have to say goodbye, but at the same time, I don’t want to live in fear of losing people either. I have to remember that I can be lost too. The good thing is that even if someone isn’t in my life anymore, the memories I have with them will always stay with me.

Anyway, my overactive brain decided to finally shut down last night at 7:30 p.m. Not by choice, by pure exhaustion. Honestly, in the past month, I’ve probably only had about 12 or 13 hours of sleep in total! 😂 I’ve been a light sleeper for as long as I can remember, and yesterday, a notification woke me up. It was an unpleasant message about my silence—about not responding to DMs. Like, really? How about starting with, “Hi, how are you?” or “Is everything okay with you?” Sometimes, I just wish people would be nicer, so I’d at least consider responding. I don’t owe anyone a reply, especially not to people who don’t care about what’s going on in my life.

Right now, I have way too much on my plate. Socialising isn’t even on my priority list. I might need to take some time off from writing to fix my sleep schedule. Also, I need to figure out how to close all these tabs in my brain. Some of them are long overdue for deletion.

Maybe what I need is for someone to just say, “Hey, Hani, let’s do this.”

That would help. But until then, I guess I’ll have to figure it out on my own.

So yeah, Hani, let’s stop writing for now.

X, Hani