Wanderhoney.Com

I’m feeling completely overwhelmed right now. My brain has too many tabs open—thoughts, ideas, and a to-do list that just keeps growing. Honestly, sometimes I can’t keep up with my own mind. It’s exhausting. Can someone please swap brains with me?😬

My brother, being the ray of sunshine he is, told me, “Your ADHD is getting worse.” Yup, I hate him for that. Instead of being supportive, he planted the idea in my head, and now I can’t help but wonder—”Do I really have ADHD?” Great, just what I needed—another tab open in my brain.

As the year winds down, I keep thinking about this project I was supposed to start earlier. But, of course, things didn’t go as planned. For months, I felt lost, trying to restructure everything to make it work for me. I had to put it off for a while, but I don’t give up easily. If I want something, I’ll chase it down, no matter how many times I fail. But right now, I just wish I had someone to talk to about it—someone who would actually listen. I miss Nat. He’s the only person who knew about my project. We used to talk about it all the time, but sometimes people aren’t meant to stay in your life forever. 

It’s sad to realize that you don’t really have control over who stays in your life. If people decide they don’t want to be around anymore, you just have to let them go. I never know when someone might just leave, so I try to treat every conversation as if it’s the last time I’ll ever speak to them.

Everyone has their own lives to live, right? I never want to be in a position where I have to say goodbye, but at the same time, I don’t want to live in fear of losing people either. I have to remember that I can be lost too. The good thing is that even if someone isn’t in my life anymore, the memories I have with them will always stay with me.

So yeah, last night, I went to sleep at 7:30 p.m. Having an overactive brain isn’t easy, you know? It’s hard to sleep when your mind just won’t shut off. Honestly, in the past month, I’ve probably only had about 12 or 13 hours of sleep in total! 😂 I’ve been a light sleeper for as long as I can remember, and yesterday, a notification woke me up. It was an unpleasant message about my silence—about not responding to DMs. Like, really? How about starting with, “Hi, how are you?” or “Is everything okay with you?” Sometimes, I just wish people would be nicer, so I’d at least consider responding. I don’t owe anyone a reply, especially not to people who don’t care about what’s going on in my life.

Right now, I have so much on my plate that I don’t have the mental capacity to care about much else. Engaging with people and socializing isn’t even on my radar. I might need to take some time off from writing to fix my sleep schedule. I also need to figure out how to close all the tabs in my brain. It’s just hard to make decisions when there’s no clarity. I don’t know what to do with some of these tabs. Maybe someone could just say, “Hey, Hani, let’s do this.” That would help. But for now, I guess I’ll just have to rely on myself.

So yeah, Hani, let’s stop writing for now.

X, Hani