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Views Last 30 days : 4179I recently met a friend for coffee. Oh, well! Someone finally got me out of my cave! 😅 She knows how much I dislike going out without a special reason, so she baited me with,
“I know a place with delicious cheesecake. They have salted caramel lattes too. I will pick you up!”
Damn. That’s my weakness. How could I say no to that?
I quickly changed into my comfiest jeans and a white top, put on some basic makeup, and pulled my hair back into a high ponytail. This isn’t my best look compared to how I used to dress, but it has become my go-to. I really should do some shopping, though. What if I suddenly change my mind and decide to put myself out there again? 😂 I have nothing new to wear. I used to love dressing up, but now that I rarely leave the house, I’ve gotten lazy.
Anyway, it’s been ages since I last had a proper girl talk. I figured this was a good chance for us to spill the tea! And of course, I’m sharing some of it here with you guys.
On Marriage, Children, and Expectations.
So, what’s girl talk without discussing guys and dating, right? Unless we’re ranting about periods and how annoying they are, guys always seem to be the main topic.
My friend asked if I had thought about getting married, and honestly, I told her that at this point in my life, it’s not even on my mind. She agreed, saying she doesn’t think about it either after her first marriage failed. However, she really wants children—so that when she’s older, she’ll have someone to take care of her.
That mindset really got to me.
It’s common in our culture to raise children with the expectation that they will care for their parents in the future, almost as a way of repaying them for raising them.
OK, hear me out—this is a flawed mindset.
If you have kids, remember this: they didn’t ask to be born. They exist because you made that choice. Having children with the expectation that they will look after you when you’re old is unfair to them.
First, it’s your responsibility to plan for your own retirement. Financial planning should start early so that when you reach old age, you won’t have to rely entirely on your children.
Second, when you bring another human being into this world, it’s your duty to raise them and provide them with love, education, and stability—not to make them feel obligated to repay you.
Instead of expecting your children to take care of you, focus on raising your children to be kind and compassionate people who contribute positively to the world. If someday, in the future, they choose to care for you out of love, then congratulations—you’ve done a great job as a parent. But forcing that expectation on them? That’s not how it should be.
The way you raise your children matters. If you constantly remind them that they “owe” you for their existence, you’re instilling a cycle of guilt and obligation rather than genuine love and care. Don’t ruin their lives for the sake of your expectations.
Personally, if having children meant expecting them to be my retirement plan, I’d rather not have them at all. This cycle of entitlement needs to stop. You have no way of knowing what your children’s future will hold, so it’s essential to plan for your own retirement—without making them responsible for it. Whether or not you have children, your well-being is ultimately your own responsibility.
She wasn’t offended by what I said. In fact, she appreciated the new perspective and found it refreshing that I think differently from most people she knows.
Dating? Not Interested… Well, Maybe.
After that deep discussion, we switched topics.
“You really aren’t dating anyone, huh?” she asked, narrowing her eyes at me.
“Not even going on a date? Who are you?!”
I laughed. I explained that I’m not willing to take the risk of getting my heart broken again. Plus, I don’t enjoy being around men much. Jokingly, I added:
“I get annoyed easily, even just hearing them breathe.”
She burst out laughing. “So, you’re not even talking to any men?”
I admitted that I do talk to some guys once in a while—when they text me, depending on my mood. But there’s only one guy I consistently reply to without hesitation. Why? Because I like him.
While most guys have to wait 3–7 business days (or forever) for a reply, he gets an instant one.
“I can’t hear him breathing, so…” I chuckled.
Curious, she asked, “What’s so special about him? Let me see him!”
I showed her his Instagram, and she grinned. “Ahhh. No wonder. He’s cute and nerdy. Definitely your type.”
I told her that while his looks are a bonus, what really matters to me is the connection I have with him. It’s rare for me to feel comfortable around a man, but with him, I do. I can be my weird, silly, unfiltered self without feeling embarrassed or restricted. That’s what makes him special.
“Well, he’s younger than us,” I added, “but to me, he’s very interesting.”
“Is he the same guy you mentioned on your blog?” she asked, her curiosity growing.
“I dunno. Maybe. Don’t follow him on Instagram.” 😂 We both giggled.
Then, she looked at me seriously and said, “I don’t think you avoid men just because of heartbreak. There’s something deeper, isn’t there?”
It was the first time anyone had said that to me, and she was right. There are things I’ll carry with me forever—things I’ll never tell anyone.
But for now, I’m happy being on my own. I no longer wait anxiously for someone to text or call. I no longer question my worth because someone is “too busy” to reply. I no longer cry over a man. I no longer lose sleep wondering why I wasn’t good enough.
And that, to me, is peace.
The Power of Girl Talk
That coffee date reminded me how much I needed girl talk. It’s freeing to share your thoughts, let go of emotions, and get a different perspective. It’s something all girls should do from time to time.
You don’t have to spill everything, but sometimes, just talking about things can help lift the weight off your chest.
X, Hani. ❤
