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Views Last 30 days : 4421Ever had a conversation that left you doubting yourself? Or a friendship that constantly made you feel guilty, even when you did nothing wrong? Maybe you’ve dealt with someone who conveniently “forgot” things when it benefited them.
If any of this sounds familiar, you’ve probably encountered manipulation—a sneaky but powerful psychological game people play to control or influence others.
I recently read a fascinating book on the psychology of manipulation, and wow, it opened my eyes! These tactics are everywhere—at home, at work, in relationships, and even in friendships. Some are so subtle you don’t even realize you’re being manipulated until it’s too late.
So, let’s break it down. Here are 7 common manipulation tactics—with detailed real-life examples and how to handle them.
1. Gaslighting: Making You Question Reality
Gaslighting is one of the most dangerous forms of manipulation because it makes you doubt your own sanity. A gaslighter will twist facts, deny things they’ve said or done, and make you feel like you’re overreacting—even when you’re not.
🔹 Example:
Sarah and Jake have been dating for a year. One night, Sarah sees Jake texting his ex-girlfriend and asks him about it. Jake immediately gets defensive:
🗣 “I don’t know what you’re talking about. You must have imagined it.”
🗣 “You always do this! You’re paranoid. I can’t even talk to people without you making a big deal out of nothing.”
Over time, Sarah starts second-guessing herself. Did she really see those messages? Maybe she is being too sensitive?
📌 How to handle it: Keep evidence—write things down or save texts. Surround yourself with people who validate your experiences. If possible, walk away from gaslighters; they thrive on control.
2. Playing the Victim: Turning the Tables
Some people love playing the victim. No matter the situation, they twist the story to make themselves look helpless and make you feel guilty.
🔹 Example:
Lisa and her friend Emma have been close for years. Lisa often borrows money from Emma but never pays her back. One day, Emma finally asks Lisa when she plans to repay her. Lisa sighs dramatically:
🗣 “I can’t believe you’d ask me that. You know I’ve been struggling! You have a good job, but I have nothing. I guess I just thought you cared about me.”
Suddenly, Emma feels guilty for even bringing it up. She ends up saying, “It’s okay, don’t worry about it,” even though she really needs the money back.
📌 How to handle it: Recognize the guilt trip for what it is. You are not responsible for someone else’s happiness. Stick to the facts and don’t apologize for things that aren’t your fault.
3. Guilt-Tripping: Emotional Blackmail
Ever had someone make you feel bad for saying no? That’s a guilt trip. Manipulators use shame to pressure you into doing what they want.
🔹 Example:
David’s mother constantly guilt-trips him into spending every holiday with her, even though he wants to split time with his wife’s family too. When David suggests a compromise, his mother replies:
🗣 “I guess I’ll just spend Christmas alone. Don’t worry about me. I’m used to being forgotten.”
David feels terrible and ends up changing his plans, even though he had already made arrangements.
📌 How to handle it: Stay firm. You’re allowed to say no without feeling guilty. If needed, offer a compromise: “I can’t do that, but here’s what I can do instead.”
4. Fake Forgetfulness: Pretending Not to Know
This is when someone pretends to be clueless or forgets important things to avoid taking responsibility.
🔹 Example:
Rachel and her coworker Tom are working on a big project together. Rachel reminds Tom several times about his part of the work, but when the deadline arrives, Tom says:
🗣 “Oh, I totally forgot! You never told me it was due today.”
Now Rachel is left scrambling to do both their tasks while Tom avoids blame.
📌 How to handle it: Stay calm and keep records—text messages, emails, anything that holds them accountable. Don’t let them shift the blame onto you.
5. Negative Humor: “Just Joking” (But Not Really)
Sarcasm, passive-aggressive comments, and “jokes” at your expense? Yeah, that’s not humour—that’s manipulation.
🔹 Example:
Mark constantly teases his girlfriend, Anna, about her weight, saying things like:
🗣 “Wow, you’re actually going to eat all that? Guess we’re not doing the diet thing anymore! Just kidding!”
When Anna expresses hurt, Mark responds:
🗣 “Relax, it’s just a joke. Don’t be so sensitive.”
Anna starts feeling self-conscious but wonders if she’s overreacting.
📌 How to handle it: Call it out. Try saying, “I don’t find that funny. Please don’t say things like that.” If they double down, that’s a red flag 🚩.
6. Projection: Blaming You for Their Own Behavior
This one is classic! A manipulator accuses you of doing exactly what they’re guilty of.
🔹 Example:
Jessica suspects her boyfriend, Mike, is cheating. She finds suspicious messages on his phone, but before she can confront him, Mike suddenly accuses her of being unfaithful:
🗣 “Why are you always on your phone? Who are you texting? Are you hiding something from me?”
Now, instead of answering Jessica’s concerns, Mike has flipped the blame onto her.
📌 How to handle it: Stay calm and stick to facts. Don’t defend yourself aggressively—they want you to react emotionally. Instead, say, “I’m not going to take responsibility for things I haven’t done.”
7. Constant Criticism: Tearing You Down Bit by Bit
Some people criticize others nonstop to make themselves feel superior and destroy your self-esteem.
🔹 Example:
Sophie is excited about a new job opportunity, but her boyfriend constantly undermines her:
🗣 “Are you sure you can handle it? You’re not really that organized.”
🗣 “Don’t get too excited—these companies fire people all the time.”
Over time, Sophie starts doubting herself, even though she was initially confident
📌 How to handle it: Set boundaries. Say, “I’m not interested in your opinion on this.” And most importantly, don’t believe them—their words are a reflection of their insecurities, not your worth.
Final Thoughts: Protect Yourself from Manipulation
Manipulation is everywhere, but recognizing it is the first step to protecting yourself. Set boundaries, trust your gut, and don’t be afraid to walk away.
I’ve personally experienced the devastating effects of manipulation—it left me with anxiety, panic attacks, and self-doubt. It took a long time to heal, but I learned that no one has the right to make me feel small, guilty, or unworthy.
💡 Your takeaway:
✔ You are not crazy.
✔ You are not overreacting.
✔ You are not responsible for someone else’s behavior.
At the end of the day, the best way to deal with manipulators is simple: Refuse to play their game.
Take care! X, Hani. ❤
