Ever had a conversation that left you doubting yourself? Or a friendship that constantly made you feel guilty, even when you did nothing wrong? Maybe you’ve dealt with someone who conveniently “forgot” things when it benefited them.
If any of this sounds familiar, youāve probably encountered manipulationāa sneaky but powerful psychological game people play to control or influence others.
I recently read a fascinating book on the psychology of manipulation, and wow, it opened my eyes! These tactics are everywhereāat home, at work, in relationships, and even in friendships. Some are so subtle you donāt even realize you’re being manipulated until itās too late.
So, letās break it down. Here are 7Ā common manipulation tacticsāwith detailed real-life examples and how to handle them.
1. Gaslighting: Making You Question Reality
Gaslighting is one of the most dangerous forms of manipulation because it makes you doubt your own sanity. A gaslighter will twist facts, deny things theyāve said or done, and make you feel like youāre overreactingāeven when youāre not.
š¹ Example:
Sarah and Jake have been dating for a year. One night, Sarah sees Jake texting his ex-girlfriend and asks him about it. Jake immediately gets defensive:
𣠓I donāt know what youāre talking about. You must have imagined it.”
𣠓You always do this! Youāre paranoid. I canāt even talk to people without you making a big deal out of nothing.”
Over time, Sarah starts second-guessing herself. Did she really see those messages? Maybe she is being too sensitive?
š How to handle it: Keep evidenceāwrite things down or save texts. Surround yourself with people who validate your experiences. If possible, walk away from gaslighters; they thrive on control.
2. Playing the Victim: Turning the Tables
Some people love playing the victim. No matter the situation, they twist the story to make themselves look helpless and make you feel guilty.
š¹ Example:
Lisa and her friend Emma have been close for years. Lisa often borrows money from Emma but never pays her back. One day, Emma finally asks Lisa when she plans to repay her. Lisa sighs dramatically:
𣠓I canāt believe youād ask me that. You know Iāve been struggling! You have a good job, but I have nothing. I guess I just thought you cared about me.”
Suddenly, Emma feels guilty for even bringing it up. She ends up saying, “Itās okay, donāt worry about it,” even though she really needs the money back.
š How to handle it: Recognize the guilt trip for what it is. You are not responsible for someone elseās happiness. Stick to the facts and donāt apologize for things that arenāt your fault.
3. Guilt-Tripping: Emotional Blackmail
Ever had someone make you feel bad for saying no? Thatās a guilt trip. Manipulators use shame to pressure you into doing what they want.
š¹ Example:
Davidās mother constantly guilt-trips him into spending every holiday with her, even though he wants to split time with his wifeās family too. When David suggests a compromise, his mother replies:
𣠓I guess Iāll just spend Christmas alone. Donāt worry about me. Iām used to being forgotten.”
David feels terrible and ends up changing his plans, even though he had already made arrangements.
š How to handle it: Stay firm. Youāre allowed to say no without feeling guilty. If needed, offer a compromise: “I canāt do that, but hereās what I can do instead.”
4. Fake Forgetfulness: Pretending Not to Know
This is when someone pretends to be clueless or forgets important things to avoid taking responsibility.
š¹ Example:
Rachel and her coworker Tom are working on a big project together. Rachel reminds Tom several times about his part of the work, but when the deadline arrives, Tom says:
𣠓Oh, I totally forgot! You never told me it was due today.”
Now Rachel is left scrambling to do both their tasks while Tom avoids blame.
š How to handle it: Stay calm and keep recordsātext messages, emails, anything that holds them accountable. Don’t let them shift the blame onto you.
5. Negative Humor: “Just Joking” (But Not Really)
Sarcasm, passive-aggressive comments, and “jokes” at your expense? Yeah, thatās not humourāthatās manipulation.
š¹ Example:
Mark constantly teases his girlfriend, Anna, about her weight, saying things like:
𣠓Wow, youāre actually going to eat all that? Guess weāre not doing the diet thing anymore! Just kidding!”
When Anna expresses hurt, Mark responds:
𣠓Relax, itās just a joke. Donāt be so sensitive.”
Anna starts feeling self-conscious but wonders if sheās overreacting.
š How to handle it: Call it out. Try saying, “I donāt find that funny. Please donāt say things like that.” If they double down, thatās a red flag š©.
6. Projection: Blaming You for Their Own Behavior
This one is classic! A manipulator accuses you of doing exactly what theyāre guilty of.
š¹ Example:
Jessica suspects her boyfriend, Mike, is cheating. She finds suspicious messages on his phone, but before she can confront him, Mike suddenly accuses her of being unfaithful:
𣠓Why are you always on your phone? Who are you texting? Are you hiding something from me?”
Now, instead of answering Jessicaās concerns, Mike has flipped the blame onto her.
š How to handle it: Stay calm and stick to facts. Donāt defend yourself aggressivelyāthey want you to react emotionally. Instead, say, “Iām not going to take responsibility for things I havenāt done.”
7. Constant Criticism: Tearing You Down Bit by Bit
Some people criticize others nonstop to make themselves feel superior and destroy your self-esteem.
š¹ Example:
Sophie is excited about a new job opportunity, but her boyfriend constantly undermines her:
𣠓Are you sure you can handle it? Youāre not really that organized.”
𣠓Donāt get too excitedāthese companies fire people all the time.”
Over time, Sophie starts doubting herself, even though she was initially confident
š How to handle it: Set boundaries. Say, “Iām not interested in your opinion on this.” And most importantly, donāt believe themātheir words are a reflection of their insecurities, not your worth.
Final Thoughts: Protect Yourself from Manipulation
Manipulation is everywhere, but recognizing it is the first step to protecting yourself. Set boundaries, trust your gut, and donāt be afraid to walk away.
Iāve personally experienced the devastating effects of manipulationāit left me with anxiety, panic attacks, and self-doubt. It took a long time to heal, but I learned that no one has the right to make me feel small, guilty, or unworthy.
š” Your takeaway:
ā You are not crazy.
ā You are not overreacting.
ā You are not responsible for someone elseās behavior.
At the end of the day, the best way to deal with manipulators is simple: Refuse to play their game.
Take care! X, Hani. ā¤
If my words made your day, a coffee would make mine.š„°
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