I last used Tinder about two years ago, and I had over 2,000 matches. Yes, you read that right.
2,000!
I was pretty active on the app back then, especially after my breakup in 2019. At the time, I turned to Tinder as a form of catharsis, a way to release my anger and frustration. I wasn’t looking for anything meaningful. I was simply trying to deal with what I was feeling.
One thing I’ve learned from using Tinder is that while it can be fun to meet new people, finding someone who wants the same things you do isn’t always easy.
From my experience, many of the people I met weren’t looking for a committed relationship. Quite a number were interested in casual hookups without emotional attachment. Some were upfront about their intentions, while others only revealed them after we’d been talking for a while. I even came across men who were already married. It made me realise that people use dating apps for different reasons, and you don’t always know someone’s full story just by matching with them.
✅ The Tinder Cycle: Excitement, Frustration, and Realization
At first, using Tinder was fun. I got to talk to lots of people, which helped with my boredom. Looking back, though, I wasn’t in the best place mentally. I drifted away from the person I wanted to be and did things I’m not proud of.
Still, I discovered a part of myself I hadn’t known before. The experience taught me things about myself and helped me grow in ways I hadn’t expected.
I think most Tinder users know how the app works. Some people are straightforward about their intentions and tell you what they’re looking for without playing games. Even if their intentions aren’t what you want, at least you know where they stand.
Then there are those who make you feel good by giving you the impression that they’re everything you’ve been looking for, only to ghost you later. I don’t want to be overly critical because, truthfully, my own intentions for using the app weren’t all that great either.
As time passed and I struggled to form meaningful connections, I started feeling frustrated and lonely. I realised I was stuck in a cycle, repeating the same patterns.
This was pretty much how it went:
- I’d swipe right on someone who matched my preferences.
- If we matched, we’d chat for a while and get to know each other.
- Even if the conversation went well, we’d continue swiping and talking to other people.
- Eventually, someone else would catch our attention, and we’d stop talking to the previous person.
It was emotionally draining, like watching a movie where the director kept changing the main actor.
I did go on a few dates before the lockdown. Some were bad, but most were fun, and a few guys were genuinely sweet and respectful toward me.
Gradually, I spent less time on Tinder and focused more on myself and my healing journey.
✅ Unexpected Friendships: The Best Matches Came When I Wasn’t Looking
Ironically, some of the most meaningful connections I made on Tinder happened when I was hardly using the app.
Life works in funny ways. These people and I never dated, but I’m glad I swiped right on them. What started as a dating app match eventually turned into friendships I came to value.
- Nathan: A True Online Best Friend
Out of the 2,000 matches I had at the time, Nat was the first person I truly connected with.
From the moment we matched, our conversations felt effortless, and we quickly developed a meaningful bond. We share so much, from our Monday night ritual of watching The Last of Us together to swapping music and having deep conversations about anything and everything.
I often send him my poetry for feedback, and he’s one of the few people whose opinions I genuinely value.
It’s funny to think that out of so many matches, one of the people I connected with most became a close friend rather than a romantic partner.
- Bono: The Match That Changed Everything
Bono was the last person I swiped right on before deleting my Tinder account.
He’s been special to me since the moment we matched. I’ve never connected with anyone quite like I do with him. With Bono, my jokes and pickup lines flow effortlessly, something I hadn’t experienced with anyone else.
The way we met still makes me smile. I had been scrolling through hundreds of profiles when I reached the very last one: Bono.
Well, he’s cute, I thought.
Looking back, swiping right on him was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. It’s a rare kind of bond, and I’m grateful that we crossed paths.
More Meaningful Connections
Besides Nat and Bono, I’ve also stayed in touch with a few other good friends I met on Tinder.
- Raph and Feb always make sure to wish me a happy birthday and a happy new year.
- Ludo is a sweet guy who spent hours chatting with me during the lockdown. He even video-called me during his work breaks so we could check in with each other and talk about our cats.
- Feb once said something that stuck with me:
“Dating apps right now are like looking for gold in a ton of shit.”
He then added:
“But at the same time, I’m grateful for the chance to meet valuable people, like you.”
I thought that was a lovely way of looking at it. Finding the right person on a dating app can be difficult, but that doesn’t mean every connection you make is a waste of time.
- Dani is another guy I met on Tinder. He’s straightforward about his interest in me, but our connection isn’t as strong as the one I share with Nat and Justin. Still, I trust him and believe he could make me happy.
Through these friendships, I’ve learned to be kinder to men, too. Not every interaction needs to lead to a relationship, and not every connection has to end badly. Sometimes, people can become important to us in ways we never expected.
✅ Final Thoughts: Is Tinder Worth It?
So, is Tinder all bad? I wouldn’t say so.
If you’re lucky, you might meet some wonderful people, but finding meaningful connections isn’t always easy. Out of more than 2,000 matches, fewer than 10 people became genuinely meaningful connections in my life.
The experience opened my eyes to many things. I’ve learned to be more cautious, not to fall for sweet talk too easily, and to take my time getting to know people before trusting them.
It’s also amazing to see how some couples who met on Tinder ended up getting married. One of my readers recently married a man she met on Tinder years ago while he was on vacation in Malaysia. They made their long-distance relationship work for years and eventually tied the knot.
You never know where you might find your soulmate.
As for me, I didn’t find a serious relationship on Tinder, but I’m grateful for the people I met through the app. Looking back, I’m glad I gave it a chance. I didn’t find the relationship I might have expected to find on a dating app, but I met people who became important parts of my life.
Maybe that’s what this experience taught me: having more options doesn’t necessarily mean finding better connections. Sometimes, the people who matter most are the ones you never expected to meet.
✅ A Word of Caution to Women on Tinder
To women using Tinder in hopes of finding love, please be careful.
I’ve met some genuinely wonderful people through online dating, but I’ve experienced the darker side of it, too.
I’ve faced sexual harassment from men I met online, and it’s something no one should have to go through.
No matter how charming someone seems, pay attention to how they treat you and don’t ignore behaviour that makes you uncomfortable. Take your time getting to know someone, be careful when meeting in person, and put your safety first.
Online dating can lead to meaningful friendships and even love, but your safety should always come first. Finding love or friendship should never come at the cost of your well-being.
Love,
Auri Duham🌻
