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Views Last 30 days : 4225Let’s be real: relationships can be incredibly rewarding but also incredibly challenging. As someone who has been through her fair share of relationship ups and downs, I’ve learned a lot—sometimes the hard way. 😅 And if there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that we all make mistakes.
Through my personal journey, I’ve made decisions that backfired, compromised my happiness, and left me wondering what went wrong. But the beauty of making mistakes is that they come with lessons. Today, I want to share some of the most common relationship mistakes women make—mistakes I’ve made myself—so you can avoid them and build healthier, happier relationships. 💖
1. Going the Extra Mile for a Man Who Wouldn’t Walk an Inch for You
We women have this natural instinct to nurture and give. We shower our partners with love, make sacrifices, and go out of our way to make them happy—even when they do the bare minimum in return. 😬
I’ve been there! I used to plan all the dates, travel on my own dime to see my partner, and go above and beyond to make them feel loved. Meanwhile, they barely lifted a finger. The energy wasn’t reciprocated, and that’s when I knew I had to step back.
💡 Lesson: A relationship should be mutual. If someone truly values you, they will match your effort. Don’t waste your energy on someone who wouldn’t do the same for you.
2. Believing That Love Will Change a Man
Oh, the fairytale we tell ourselves! 🙄 We meet a guy with red flags waving like they’re at a carnival, but we think, “I can fix him. He’ll change for me.” Spoiler alert: he won’t.
I spent months convincing myself that if I just loved him enough, he would change. I tolerated excuses, broken promises, and hurtful behavior, all because I believed love could ‘fix’ him. But the truth hit me hard—love doesn’t change people, only they can choose to change.
People don’t change unless they want to. It’s not your job to heal someone’s unresolved traumas, fix their bad habits, or turn them into the perfect partner. If a man truly cares, he will work on himself—not because you beg him to, but because he values the relationship enough to be better.
💡 Lesson: Love someone for who they are now, not who you hope they will become.
3. Trusting Words More Than Actions
We’ve all been charmed by sweet words and empty promises. But here’s the thing: if a man says all the right things but his actions don’t align, believe his actions. For example, if he says, “I love you and I want to be with you” but makes zero effort to see you, doesn’t commit, and keeps you as an option, that’s your answer.
Consistency is key. When his actions don’t match his words, take a step back. Observe his patterns over time, and don’t be afraid to ask direct questions like, ‘What do you mean by that?’ or ‘How do you plan to follow through?’ If he gets defensive, that’s your red flag
💡 Lesson: Actions always speak louder than words. Pay attention to what he does, not just what he says.
4. Carrying the Relationship Alone
A relationship is not a one-person show. It should feel balanced and equal. If you’re always the one making plans, putting in the effort, and keeping things together while your partner just coasts along, it’s time to rethink the relationship.
💡 Lesson: If you find yourself doing all the work, step back and see if he steps up. If not, you deserve better.
5. Thinking You’re Not Good Enough
One of the worst mistakes I made was believing I wasn’t good enough for a man. I would overthink everything—my looks, my personality, my worth—especially when I was treated poorly.
Here’s the truth: You are enough. And if someone makes you feel otherwise, they’re the problem, not you.
💡 Lesson: Confidence is attractive. Love yourself first, and the right person will love you exactly as you are.
6. Letting a Man Control Your Life
Compromise is part of every relationship, but sacrificing your identity is not. If your partner dictates what you wear, who you talk to, or what you do, that’s not love—that’s control.
Remember, a healthy relationship is built on mutual respect and trust, and both partners should feel valued and respected for who they are as individuals and not change themselves to fit into a relationship.
💡 Lesson: A healthy relationship allows freedom and individuality. Never lose yourself to please someone else.
7. Being With Someone Who Doesn’t Support Your Dreams
A good partner will cheer you on, not hold you back. If a man discourages you, mocks your passions, or isn’t interested in your dreams, he’s not the one.
Communicate your passions early on to see if they’re open to exploring them with you. Find a balance if they don’t share the same interests, and don’t let them dismiss or belittle your interests. Working together to find a solution that respects both your needs can lead to a stronger and happier connection. It leads to a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
💡 Lesson: The right partner will support your ambitions and celebrate your success.
8. Ignoring Emotional Abuse Disguised as “Jokes”
If a man constantly makes “jokes” that insult you, dismisses your feelings, or compares you to other women, that’s not love—it’s emotional abuse.
I once dated someone who would “jokingly” say things like, “You’re not even that pretty” or “You should be grateful I’m with you.” At first, I laughed it off. But over time, it destroyed my self-esteem.
💡 Lesson: If a joke hurts, it’s not a joke. Respect should never be compromised.
9. Not Setting Boundaries
Boundaries can come in many forms, including physical, emotional, and personal boundaries. Physical boundaries may involve personal space or intimacy, while emotional boundaries may involve communication and vulnerability. Personal boundaries may involve individual goals, values, and beliefs.
When boundaries are not respected, it’s important to have a conversation with your partner and express how their actions make you feel. Be firm and consistent in enforcing boundaries. It may be uncomfortable, but it’s necessary for mental and emotional well-being.
💡 Lesson: Set clear boundaries and stick to them. A man who respects you will respect your limits.
10. Accepting Inconsistent Communication
If a man truly cares, he won’t leave you guessing. No one is too busy to check in on someone they love.
If you’re always the one reaching out, waiting hours (or days) for a response, and getting excuses like “I’m just bad at texting”, it’s a sign of low effort and low interest.
💡 Lesson: Effort matters. If he wants to talk to you, he will. If he doesn’t, he won’t. Know the difference.
Final Thoughts
Relationships should be mutual, fulfilling, and filled with respect. We all make mistakes, but the key is to learn from them and make better choices moving forward. You are worthy of a love that feels safe, reciprocated, and real. Walk away from anything less. The best decision you will ever make is choosing yourself first.
- Choose a man who reciprocates your effort.
- Trust actions, not just words.
- Set boundaries and respect yourself.
- Never settle for less than you deserve.
If you’ve made any of these mistakes before (like I have), don’t be hard on yourself! What matters is that you recognize them, learn, and make choices that honour your self-worth and happiness. ❤️
X, Hani. ❤
