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To be honest, when I was younger, especially in my 20s, I wasnāt even sure if I was serious about most of those relationshipsāI was still figuring myself out, you know? Thankfully, most of the breakups were mutual and happened at the right time. Sure, there were some hurtful moments, but nothing so unforgivable that we couldnāt maintain a positive friendship after things ended.
When Your Ex Becomes Your Best Friend š¤
The ex I was closest to was someone I had a long-distance relationship with for 2.5 years. š We had a strong bond, and honestly, I do miss him sometimesānot in a romantic way, but because we shared a deep friendship. Even when I moved on and entered a new relationship, he was still there for me, offering support while I dealt with a toxic situation that was tanking my mental health. š«
I can genuinely say heās a great person, and I have no resentment toward him. If anything, I take full responsibility for why our relationship didnāt workāit was a mix of distance and compatibility.
But hereās where things got complicated. š¬
Ex-Boyfriend vs. Boyfriend: A Recipe for Conflict āļø
The person I was dating at the time? Yeah, he wasnāt thrilled about my friendship with my ex.
Looking back, I get it. If the roles were reversed, Iād probably feel uneasy too. But at that time, I didnāt see the issue. I kept thinking:
āIf he trusted me enough, why should it bother him?ā š¤·āāļø
Now that Iām older (and hopefully wiser), I see the bigger picture. It wasnāt just about trustāit was about respect. My ex may have been just a friend to me, but his presence in my life made my then-boyfriend uncomfortable, and that mattered. While thereās nothing inherently wrong with staying friends with an ex, itās important to balance that with the boundaries of your current relationship.
The Problem with Staying Close to an Ex ā
Letās be realākeeping an ex in your life, especially as a close friend, can create friction in your current relationship. Not necessarily because you have lingering feelings, but because your partner might worry about what once was (or what could be rekindled). It can bring up insecurities, jealousy, and sometimes even trust issues.
Sometimes, even when we tell ourselves itās just friendship, there could be unresolved emotions lurking beneath the surface. Maybe one of you secretly hopes for another shot. Maybe youāre holding onto an old connection for comfort. Itās something worth reflecting on.Ā
Setting Boundaries: The Key to a Healthy Relationship š§
Itās natural to have fond memories and want to keep things amicable with an ex. But when youāre in a new relationship, you have to ask yourself:
“Is this friendship serving me, or is it causing unnecessary tension?”
Healthy relationships thrive on mutual understanding and respect. If your partner is uncomfortable with your ex still being in the picture, itās worth considering whether keeping that connection is really necessary. A mature ex will respect your decision to create boundaries for the sake of your current relationship.
And if they donāt? Well, thatās a red flag š© right there.
Speaking from experience, most of the people Iāve datedāwhether serious or notāstill follow me on social media, but thatās where it ends. The one I was closest to? He cut off contact, and I respect that decision completely. It makes senseāheās in a new relationship, and his priority should be his partnerās comfort, just as mine should be in my own relationship.
Sure, some of them will still send the occasional āHappy Birthdayā or āHappy New Year” text, and thatās fine. Itās a polite, distant acknowledgment, nothing more. But constant texting, calls, deep conversations, or even a meet-up? Nope. Thatās where it crosses a line.š«
Ask Yourself: Is It Really Just Friendship? š¤Ø
Before you fight to keep an ex in your life, take a moment for some honest self-reflection.
Is your friendship truly 100% platonic, or is there a lingering emotional attachment?
Are you holding onto them as a safety net?
Would you be okay if your partner had the same kind of friendship with their ex?Ā
Being honest with yourself is crucial. It helps you navigate the situation with integrity and ensures your actions align with the kind of relationship you truly want.Ā
Prioritize the Present, Not the Past š
Navigating friendships with exes is tricky. It takes a lot of self-awareness, communication, and, most importantly, respect for your current partner. If your partner isnāt comfortable with it, you need to decide what matters moreāyour past connection or your present relationship.Ā
At this stage in my life, Iām no longer a fan of staying close with exes. So, if my partner were to have a close friendship with his exāespecially if sheās still reaching out and discussing personal mattersāI wouldnāt be okay with it. Itās one thing to follow each other on social media and exchange the occasional greeting, but anything beyond that? Hard pass. š·
At the end of the day, relationships should bring peace, not unnecessary stress. So yeah, keeping close friendships with an ex? š©Thatās a big NO for me. Iām not sacrificing my emotional well-being for someone elseās comfort. Period.
X, Hani.Ā
