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Let’s have a real conversation. One that might be uncomfortable, but necessary. Something that seems to be increasingly forgotten in our modern workplaces, especially when you’re married or in a committed relationship:
✨ BOUNDARIES ✨
This post isn’t about judging or pointing fingers. It comes from a place of deep reflection and concern—because what I’ve been witnessing over the years honestly shakes me. And I know I’m not the only one noticing it.
I feel so moved to write this topic because I see it too often: blurred lines, inappropriate closeness, and emotional (sometimes even physical) affairs happening right at work. It’s like people forget they’re married—or choose to ignore it. What makes it more disheartening is that many of these same people often speak about religion and family values—yet act in ways at work that completely contradict those beliefs.
I’ve never been married, but I hold tightly to my values, integrity, and what I believe love is meant to be: sacred, exclusive, and deeply respectful—even when I’m single. That’s why it’s so disturbing to watch married people at work act in ways that clearly cross the line. No judgment (okay, maybe a little), but it does make me wonder:
“Why did you get married if this is how you’re going to behave? If you chose to get married… why not honor it?”
And the question that hurts most is:
“What would your partner feel if they knew?”
The Community & The Quiet Affairs No One Talks About
Workplace affairs aren’t new. But what gets me is how normalized they’ve become—even in communities where you’d expect more restraint. I come from a Malay Muslim community—a conservative one, at least on the surface. A place where we speak loudly about religion, modesty, and preserving the sanctity of marriage. Where men and women are told to lower their gaze, keep their distance, and uphold Islamic values in all aspects of life.
Yet, behind the curtain of religious quotes and social media posts filled with Quran verses, I see something else entirely. In my own workplace, I’ve seen married women in hijab giggling while touching a male colleague’s arm—even going as far as slapping his butt. Flirtatious compliments, double-meaning jokes—just plain inappropriate. Lunch dates alone. Work trips planned together. Casual physical touch—like it means nothing. It’s subtle sometimes, but it’s definitely there.
The worst part? They don’t seem to feel guilty at all. I once asked someone why they acted that way while married, and the answer was:
“It’s a normal thing to do. Everyone does it.”
Wait—I don’t, and since when is cheating normal? Since when is hiding things from your partner, creating fake social media accounts, and emotionally investing in someone else considered okay?
This isn’t normal.
Love Deserves Better
I can’t help but sometimes compare. My social life doesn’t exactly fit the mold of what’s expected in a conservative setting. I live openly and colorfully—far from what my community expects me to be. Some might call it unconventional. In fact, my social life is a world away from the culture and religious norms I grew up with. And because of that, I’ve been criticized my whole life.
But here’s the thing: even with that, I know my limits. I know my values. And I deeply respect love and religion.
I’ve never crossed those lines—and I never will. Not because I’m perfect, but because I believe in what love truly means. I believe it’s sacred. It’s meant to be kept between two people—safe, protected, and respected, especially when no one’s watching.
So when I see people who carry the label of “modest,” “religious,” and “traditional” engaging in behavior I wouldn’t even consider doing, it’s hard not to judge and question:
“Is this what marriage means to you?”
The Simple Truth: Don’t Open That Door
People think affairs start in the bedroom. But honestly? They often start with a conversation and a lack of boundaries. A “harmless” lunch. A flirty text. A moment of emotional vulnerability. Those “just friends” chats that slowly turn into emotional dependency. One step at a time—until the line is so blurred, you can’t even see it anymore.
It doesn’t start with intercourse. It starts with comfort.
✅ With someone laughing at your jokes when your partner doesn’t.
✅ With someone who “understands” you more than your partner.
✅ With a kind gesture that turns into routine.
✅ With an innocent message that turns into daily check-ins and late-night confessions.
And suddenly, you’re emotionally attached to someone who isn’t yours.
Here’s the truth: Love is beautiful, but it’s also vulnerable. You have to protect it. And the workplace—where we spend most of our time—is often the first place where boundaries get tested. That’s why boundaries matter so much when you’re in a relationship.
People don’t fall into traps because they’re evil. They fall because they think it’s harmless—until it’s not.
So let me say this as clearly as I can:
“Don’t open that door. Not even a crack.”
Strong Boundaries You Should Set at Work
Whether you’re married, in a relationship, or taken—these boundaries matter. They’re not about being cold or unfriendly. They’re about protecting what truly matters: your relationship, your integrity, and your peace of mind.
🛑 Your colleague is not your friend. They are your colleague. Keep that line clear.
🛑 Don’t flirt or act overly friendly. That “banter” can easily become emotional cheating. It’s not innocent. It’s inviting.
🛑 Don’t share personal problems about your partner. Keep it respectful and positive.
🛑 No daily long drives alone with a colleague of the opposite sex. You’re not a free Uber. Respect your partner’s peace of mind.
🛑 Your boss is not your buddy. Keep it professional, no matter how “cool” they are.
🛑 Don’t become a therapist for someone’s marital problems. It breeds emotional connection.
🛑 Avoid lunch or coffee dates with the opposite sex alone. Especially if it becomes routine.
🛑 Set physical boundaries. If someone touches you, adjust your posture, step away. Don’t make excuses for it.
🛑 No late-night texts or “checking in” after work. Unless it’s urgent and work-related, keep it within office hours. Boundaries don’t end after working hours.
🛑 No compliments on appearance or body. That opens the door for flirtation. Keep things strictly professional.
🛑 Don’t overshare your personal life. Familiarity breeds comfort—and temptation.
The Real Test of Love is Discipline
Boundaries aren’t about being cold or antisocial. They’re about respect for your partner, your relationship, and yourself.
Yes, temptation is real. But so is self-control.
That’s why you must protect your relationship with discipline, not just emotion. Be the kind of partner who honors love when no one’s watching.
Even when it’s tempting.
Even when someone else “gets you.”
It’s not about being paranoid or rigid. It’s about being intentional, disciplined, and loyal—especially in private moments when choices matter most, because you would know if you crossed a line.
And if your partner ever found out, they would carry that heartbreak forever.
Final Thought: Guard What Matters
You don’t need to be ultra-conservative or deeply religious to have strong moral values. And you definitely don’t need to be in a traditional marriage to understand the weight of loyalty.
Cheating doesn’t always begin with desire. Often it starts with comfort. And if you’re not careful, that comfort can cost you everything that truly matters.
So no matter how fun the banter is, how “close” you’ve become, or how “harmless” it feels, remember this:
“When you’re taken, you keep the door closed—even when temptation knocks.”
You don’t open the door, even “just a little.” Because once it’s open, it’s hard to close it without damage.
The real ones—the truly loyal ones are the people who choose boundaries when it would be easier not to.
So yeah, protect your relationship like it’s sacred. Because it is.
Love isn’t just a feeling. It’s a responsibility. And if you’re not ready to guard it, don’t step into it.
Until then. X, Hani.
