Life has a knack for throwing unkindness our way, putting our patience and inner strength to the test. Dealing with it can be tough, yet it’s through these very experiences that we glean valuable lessons, shaping a positive perspective and newfound happiness.
Last year, I faced one of the toughest challenges, testing my patience and strength in dealing with an unkind person. Overcoming it wasn’t a walk in the park. However, as I navigated the healing process, I constantly reminded myself not to compromise who I am or stoop to their level. The world, after all, doesn’t need more people like them. Despite the undeniable pain, recognizing that I’ve done nothing wrong to them emerged as a significant victory for me.
How do you deal with unkindness?
People can be unkind, and it’s not always easy to rise above it. How can you deal with it? Nothing else. Have patience. It’s a simple word, but it holds immense power when it comes to dealing with unkindness. It doesn’t mean you do nothing and let everything slide. It means that you constantly control yourself regarding your words and actions, refusing to let the unkindness of others define your reactions. It isn’t easy. It can be tiring, but trust me, it’s worth it in the end. By not giving them the power to hurt you more, you take control of your emotional well-being.
For example, if they say something hurtful and you fight back with something hurtful, the situation will never end. They will somehow use it against you. In the past, I used to engage in verbal battles, fighting back against unkindness with my own hurtful words. It was partly connected to my ego and the desire to defend myself. However, as I’ve grown older and wiser, I’ve learned that the best way to respond to unkindness is with kindness. It’s not about showing weakness; rather, it’s a display of emotional maturity and strength. Just a simple smile and walking away can speak volumes, leaving the other person to ponder their actions.
Don’t worry about what happens next. You can find solace in knowing that God will take control. Even if you don’t have faith in a higher power, karma is real. What goes around eventually comes around. So, yes, let things go, and charge it to the game of life. You will be glad you did.
Can we really forget?
No. We don’t.
We have to live with it. I would say, just accept that you were wronged and step away from that person and that situation. Just move forward without them. Walking away doesn’t mean compromising your values. Some people prioritize being right over their own happiness, and you have better things to do than give ammunition to those who insist on being right. Don’t keep the argument going. There’s just no point.
However, I understand the feeling when someone has wronged you. It can be overwhelming, leading to anger, hurt, and your mind can’t help but fantasize, in great detail, about all the vengeful ways to make them pay.
When I faced mistreatment from my ex’s mother, I tried to maintain kindness while standing my ground. Yet, as time passed and I struggled to let go of the hurt, resentment started to build within me. I found myself wishing for her misfortune daily, thinking it would somehow ease my pain, but I soon realized that harboring such feelings was hindering my own healing process.
As challenging as it may be, healing requires us to break free from the chains of resentment and avoid returning to the things that caused our pain. The quote, “To heal, you mustn’t return to the things that caused your pain,” holds profound wisdom. We can’t change what others have done to us, but we can change how we handle it.
How forgiveness helps me to move on.
Forgiveness helps me to focus more on myself and practice self-love. To be honest, I didn’t find forgiving someone who had truly hurt me as easy as it sounds. I needed to go through the forgiving process first. The process wasn’t easy. I was in denial, believing that I had forgiven them, when, in reality, I hadn’t. Negative emotions and thoughts continued to linger within me, like heavy weights on my shoulders, pulling me down. I experienced sadness, anger, stress, and resentment before I could genuinely forgive. It was a gradual process of acknowledging and releasing these emotions that allowed me to experience true forgiveness.
I began to forgive my ex’s mother gradually. I forgave her not because she apologized to me—she never apologized to me. I forgave because I deserved the freedom and peace that forgiveness brings. I moved forward in a more positive direction. Rather than dwelling on what she did to me, I kept myself busy by enhancing my appearance, meeting new friends, decorating my home, spending more time with my closest friends, and learning new things.
If you’re lucky enough, you will see the karma hit them.
I rarely fight back when people do me wrong. I don’t bother to keep the arguments going to prove them wrong. I often choose to say nothing and walk away. Trust me, walking away from a toxic situation costs you nothing. The time will come when the game of life will be on your side. Time is the ultimate teller of truths.
- One incident that stands out is when my so-called best friend backstabbed me. A misunderstanding between us escalated, but instead of apologizing, she played the victim and spread false rumors about me to her friends. Her actions were hurtful, and I made the difficult decision to cut her out of my life. Years later, some of her friends reached out to me and apologized. They had witnessed similar behavior from her toward others. The truth eventually revealed itself, and I found closure in knowing I wasn’t the only victim of her actions.
- Another instance was after a painful breakup with my ex. I wanted closure and tried to communicate, but he ignored me. However, the beauty of life’s twists was revealed six months later when two of the girls he dated reached out to me seeking answers about his behavior. Surprisingly, my ex reached out to me as well. So, I took the chance to tell him what I’d always wanted to say. I got the best closure I could ever ask for. He might have thought that I hated him, but to be honest, I don’t. I forgave him. Even if someday I see him on the side of the road in need of help, I will still assist him. I’m that kind of person.
The point is, just because you let something go doesn’t mean they get away with their wrongdoing. Life has its own ways. You just need to have faith in it.
The process of healing and letting go.
The journey of healing and letting go can be a deeply personal and transformative experience. We all encounter pain at some point in our lives, but it is how we navigate through it that determines our ability to heal and move forward.
One of the most crucial aspects of my healing process has been the discovery of coping mechanisms that truly resonate with me. Among my sources of solace, books have played a significant role. In particular, Najwa Zebian’s writings have been a guiding light in my healing journey. Her words have a way of touching the deepest parts of my soul, offering comfort and insight that helped me find strength within myself.
I also write in my own journal. The act of putting my emotions into words allows me to acknowledge and process them. It’s like releasing a pressure valve, allowing the built-up emotions to flow freely, leading to a sense of relief and clarity. While my journaling provides a private space for self-reflection, I find comfort in sharing my feelings with my mom and my closest friends. Their unwavering support and understanding have been a source of strength during difficult times. Knowing that I can lean on them for advice and comfort has helped me feel less alone in my healing journey.
Music, too, has been a balm for my soul. Certain songs seem to perfectly align with my emotions, allowing me to immerse myself in the healing power of melodies and lyrics. Music has the unique ability to transport me to a place of tranquility, easing the burden of stress and lifting my spirits.
Remarkably, I found it easier to move on from my ex than I expected. While my routine changed, I was able to continue living my life without being consumed by grief and longing. My feelings for him were completely gone, just like that. Maybe because of how much he hurt me during the relationship, I got over him faster than I could’ve ever predicted. What proved to be more challenging was dealing with the hurt caused by my ex’s mother. The impact of her actions lingered, and I struggled to accept, let go, and forgive.
Looking back, I never thought I could forgive. But when I look at myself now, I’m glad I did. When we have negative emotions such as anger, bitterness, or hatred, we can’t think with our right mind. These negative emotions are actually a burden to carry around. In the end, I realized I needed to let go in order to move forward.
Before I end this post, I want to remind you not to compare yourself to me because we all heal differently, in different ways, and at different times. It’s just that I can heal really fast. I have been through a lot my whole life, so I can confidently say that I’m a survivor. Maybe I would be a warrior if I had my own sword? Hehe. But yeah, I’m that tough. People often ask me, ‘How can you forgive?’ and ‘How can you forget?’ Well, healing takes courage. We all have courage, but for some of us, we need to dig a little deeper to find it. When bad things happen to me, I may have a mental breakdown, cry, and feel depressed, but I always choose to get back up. I don’t dwell on things for too long.
Always choose kindness. It speaks for you. When people are unkind to you, beat them with kindness. Kindness always wins.