Wanderhoney.Com

Today, I decided to revisit the topic of being in a relationship with a married man. Four years ago, I shared my personal experience on this matter. You can read that article [here]. After publishing it, many Malaysian women reached out to me via email to share their own stories. It’s heartbreaking to realize how common these situations have become in Malaysia, leaving me wondering:

“Why is it so difficult for people to respect relationships and for men to stay faithful to their wives?”

Honestly, this generation feels so messed up. The moment they notice flaws in their partner, they’d rather look for someone else than work on fixing things. Cheating has become so normalized, and the internet has only made it easier.

One of my biggest achievements with this blog is helping these women let go of toxic relationships. I’ve always made sure to be there for them throughout their journey whenever they needed support. Seeing their progress with my own eyes is a feeling I can’t even begin to describe. Some of them have even moved on to happy, healthy relationships with new partners. Only God knows how much joy that brings me.

If you’re here reading this article after a random Google search, I can almost guarantee that you’re either looking for help to let go OR seeking tips to maintain your relationship with a married man. If you’re seeking the second one, you’re in the wrong place. Not in a million years will I condone such a relationship. I’m here to help women who recognize their self-worth and respect themselves enough to walk away from something they don’t deserve.

It’s funny, but my best friend once said:

“If you’re insanely rich and can afford to financially support two or three wives at home, maybe it makes sense. But if you have a regular job, your first wife is already struggling to help support the family, and you’re still thinking about getting another wife—especially if you’re unemployed and living off your wife’s money—how could you even consider being with another woman?”

When I think about it, she’s absolutely right. I understand her point. Relationships like these are already tough from the start—why would you want to complicate your life even further? Do you really want to burden yourself forever? And that’s not even mentioning the sin of breaking apart someone else’s marriage. Is that all you aspire for in life?

Honestly, I can’t stand hearing excuses like

“It’s fate; what can I do?”

Well, you do have a choice. Don’t drag God into the decisions you willingly make. If you haven’t even tried to do better, why blame God to justify your actions?

If you find out someone is married, don’t pursue him. There are so many single men out there waiting for someone like you. You deserve to be someone’s first choice, not their second or third. Ask yourself:

“Why would I want to destroy another woman’s happiness? Women should support one another. Why would I side with a man, especially one who cheats?”

Here’s a truth you need to remember:

Never trust a cheater, no matter what. Once they cheat, they’ll cheat again. Lying runs in their blood—it’s in their veins. These men can cry in front of you and beg on their knees, but the reality is they’re still lying. As women, we often feel pity and because we’re in love, it’s easy for us to be manipulated. When that happens, you need to use your brain more than your heart.

So, what can you do?

Cut him off completely. No contact, no exceptions. It’s hard—I’ve been there—but it’s the only way. He’ll try to reach out to you to explain himself. I know you love him and feel tempted to give him another chance, but you have to go back to the basics: Self-love. Love yourself more.

No contact means no social media, no texting, no calls, no stalking. Block everything. Distract yourself by spending time with friends, picking up new hobbies—anything that keeps you occupied.

Some of the most common excuses married men give include:

• I’m not happy in my marriage.
• Give me time to tell my wife.
• I’m planning to divorce her.

These are just lies to keep you around. The truth is, most of the time, things between him and his wife are perfectly fine. Like my ex—he used to claim he was unhappy in his marriage, but how unhappy could he have been if his wife ended up pregnant with their second child during that time? Ridiculous. Rolls eyes.

To let go, you need to be strong and determined. Every woman who has reached out to me has received the same advice:

Be brave. Don’t let yourself get easily swayed.

One more tip: gather evidence (screenshots, messages) to protect yourself in case his wife blames you later. You can also use it to threaten him into staying away from you if he keeps bothering you. Trust me, these men are terrified of their wives finding out, even though they pretend otherwise.

At some point, you will get over it. You can move on. The beginning is always the hardest because matters of the heart are never easy to heal. It takes time, so take as much time as you need. Everyone heals differently. Your feelings for him will fade, especially when you meet someone new. Give yourself the chance to meet another man. No matter how much you convince yourself that you can’t stop loving him, you can. Love fades. The memories might linger—they’re part of being human—but that doesn’t mean you have to go back. Instead, it means you’ve grown wise enough to treat it as a life lesson.

Before I wrap up, I want to remind you:

Know your worth. Have some pride. Don’t make another woman cry just to make yourself happy. How would you feel if the same thing happened to you? Life isn’t always perfect. Don’t give a man the power to hurt and ruin more women.

We, as women, need to protect one another.

Sending love to all of you.

X, Hani