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Some people leave your life, and you never expect to hear from them again. But sometimes, out of nowhere, they do.

A friend I once considered close in my early 20s recently reached out to me—unexpectedly. Honestly, I was surprised when I saw her name pop up on my phone. We hadn’t spoken in over a decade, and there was a reason for that—a reason I won’t go into detail about here.

At first, I was skeptical. In my experience, when people from my past suddenly reach out, it’s usually because they need something. Some just want to reconnect, but I’m not a fan of that either. I try not to be overly cynical, but I also don’t cut people off just to welcome them back later.

If someone is no longer in my life, there’s a reason for it. Most of the time, it’s because their presence brought more harm than good. One thing I’ve learned about protecting my peace is this: once I cut someone out of my life, they are gone for good. No follow-ups. No second chances.

I delete their number, unfollow them, and move on—as if they never existed. People who know me personally understand how firm I am about this.

And if you ghosted me? Don’t ever come back. You made your choice when you left. I made mine when I moved on. Actions have consequences. Some things can’t be undone.

Memory and Forgiveness

Now, here’s something interesting about me. I may not have the best memory when it comes to recalling random acquaintances, but I have an exceptional memory when it comes to people who have wronged me. It’s like my brain keeps a mental list—some names are highlighted in red—especially those who never apologized.

I can forgive, but that doesn’t mean I forget.

Think of it like a broken glass.

When you break a glass, no matter how carefully you piece it back together, the cracks will always be there. It may still hold water, but it will never be as strong as it once was. And eventually, it will shatter again.

At this point, you might be thinking, “Wow, she holds grudges.”

Not quite.

Keeping certain people in the past isn’t about resentment or hatred. It’s about fairness—to them and to me.

People Change, But the Past Remains

I believe people change over time—unless, of course, they’re just genuinely shitty human beings—but most of us evolved and grown into better individuals throughout time, and with a healthy mindset, most of us strive to be better versions of ourselves.

However, no amount of personal growth can undo what happened in the past.

No matter how much someone changes, the memories stay. They don’t disappear just because years have passed. And that’s the problem.

Even if someone has changed, my mind will still replay everything they did. I’ll second-guess their intentions. I’ll struggle to fully trust them again. I might even make passive-aggressive comments or bring up the past—whether as a joke or in an argument. 

That wouldn’t be fair to either of us.

So, for the sake of both our peace, it’s better if they stay in my past. I don’t hate them or wish them harm—I just think we’re better off apart. What happened in the past belongs there, along with the person who caused it. They have no place in my present or my future.

Why Apologies Matter

This is exactly why I try my hardest not to hurt people. I understand how deep and long-lasting the effects can be.

If I ever upset someone unintentionally, I apologize as soon as I realize it. The longer an apology is delayed, the greater the damage.

I am a loyal person, whether in friendships or relationships. I respect the people in my life, and I expect the same in return. I take no bullshit, and I don’t tolerate being messed around. When I say I’m done, I mean it.

The people in my life right now? They’re here because I trust them completely. They bring value, positivity, and peace. And they know—once that trust is broken, it’s gone forever.

Some doors, once closed, are meant to stay that way. Because not every chapter needs a sequel, and not every ghost deserves a second chance

X, Hani