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I must admit, I’ve avoided writing this kind of post for a while. It’s never easy to reopen old wounds, to look back at the moments that broke me, and to put my emotions into words. However, if there’s one thing I’ve learnt, it’s that writing has always been my way of expressing what I struggle to say out loud. So today, I choose honesty.

Not everyone understands the choice to walk alone. Some see solitude as loneliness, assuming that being on your own means something is missing. However, for some of us, solitude is not an absence—it’s a form of self-preservation, a path to healing, and a chance to redefine ourselves without the weight of someone else’s expectations.

For the most part, my life is good now. I’ve put myself back together, and if nothing else, I am happier—or at least healthier—than I was a few years ago. These days, I focus on what brings me joy: surrounding myself with uplifting people, pursuing my dreams, and making the most of the time I have. My days are filled with meaningful work, creative passion, and personal growth. I wake up each morning with a purpose, and that is something I will never take for granted.

Finding Strength in Solitude

I’ve found happiness in solitude, despite how others try to convince me otherwise. I remember when my ex reached out to me last year and said:

“There are some Loner’s out there, I guess, but you are not one of them and I am not as well. But especially you, you are not one, Hani, I refuse to believe that. You are a lover, a giver and you are someone who should be cherished for being who you are, every day. What you did for me during our relationship proofs it.”

Although I try not to dwell on the past, I can’t ignore the fact that my relationship with him shaped the person I am today. I loved him deeply—perhaps more than I will ever love anyone again. However, that love came at a cost. Our relationship shattered me, leaving me broken and lost. Yet, from that destruction, I found the strength to rebuild myself.

Looking back, I am oddly grateful for the pain. Without it, I wouldn’t have learnt to love and value myself the way I do now. Sometimes, the hardest experiences serve as the foundation for the strongest versions of ourselves.

The Painful Path to Healing

Healing myself wasn’t easy. It was painful. It took years. I made plenty of mistakes due to my poor mental health and had to learn to purge my resentment, to forgive people.

There was a time when I felt I had no place in this world—a world where people like me, who love deeply and wholeheartedly, often end up hurt. It was a dark time, and I won’t lie—there were moments when I felt like giving up. Not because of what he did, but because I couldn’t bear the thought of existing as a loving person in a world that no longer seemed to value love and vulnerability. Where kindness often led to pain.

Yet, despite everything, I survived. More than that—I thrived. I still have moments of doubt, but I no longer let them define me. I have learnt to trust myself, to embrace my emotions rather than suppress them, and to find happiness in the simple things. Every setback has been a lesson, and every lesson has made me stronger.

Choosing Myself Over Society’s Expectations

I’m not saying the new me is all great; like everyone else, I have my flaws and weaknesses. However, I genuinely love who I have become. I prioritise myself and find joy in my own company, rather than depending on anyone else for my happiness like I used to. When people ask me when I want to get married, my only response is the same:

“For now, I simply don’t see marriage as part of my future.”

I don’t believe in marriage anymore. I’ve seen too many people I care about suffer through divorces, betrayals, and heartbreak. So, what’s the point?

Society teaches women that they need a man to be happy. My experiences taught me otherwise. My mental health suffered the most when I was in a relationship. I often cried myself to sleep, feeling like I wasn’t enough, only to wake up the next day and pretend everything was fine.

I refuse to go through that again.

The Reality of Moving Forward

Healing comes with sacrifices. In the process of reconstructing myself, I have built walls that are hard to break. My heart is no longer as open as it once was. Trust doesn’t come easily to me anymore, and among the billions of people in the world, only one—Justin—has managed to earn it.

I have become more reserved and more cautious about who I let into my life. The belief I once had in love has faded, replaced by the understanding that not all stories have a happy ending. Yet, I do not see this as a loss. Instead, I see it as a transformation.

Life is about choices, and we don’t get to have everything. With every gain, there is something left behind. I may have lost faith in relationships, but I have gained an unshakable sense of self-worth. I may be guarded, but I am also stronger, wiser, and at peace with who I am.

Maybe love will find me again one day. Or maybe it won’t. Either way, I have already found myself—and that is more than enough. 🙂

A Message to You

If you’ve ever felt broken, if you’ve ever questioned your worth because of how others treated you, know this: You are enough. You always have been. Healing takes time, and sometimes, it means letting go of what you once believed in. That’s okay.

Your journey is your own. Whether you choose love or solitude, whether you rebuild with someone or on your own, what matters is that you do it for you. Honour your growth. Trust yourself. And most importantly, never settle for less than the love and respect you deserve.

X, Hani.