Urgh, I hate getting older.
But hey, maybe it’s time I stop whining and start embracing it. The changes, the growth, and all the little things that come with it. In my head, I’m still 27, clinging to that age like it’s frozen in time.
If only life worked that way, right?
Now that I’m in my mid-30s, I can’t help but notice how different my path looks compared to many people around me. In my culture, most people my age are married with children. Me? I’m sitting here typing this while a true crime series plays in the background and my clingy cat is curled up beside me.
Is it weird that I haven’t even seriously thought about getting married?
It’s not that I’m against it. It’s just that peace is precious, and the thought of diving into something that could disrupt that peace feels terrifying. Especially when you scroll through Twitter (X) and all you see are stories about cheating, divorces, and the absolute chaos some people go through. It does make me wonder sometimes, is it really worth the risk?
Unfortunately, No Birthday Trip This Year
I didn’t go on a birthday trip this year.
Normally, that’s my little tradition. A solo escape somewhere new. A few of those past trips were even sponsored by my then-partner, who understood how much those getaways meant to me. Over time, they’ve become something sacred. Non-negotiable.
This year, however, I had just returned from a trip to Kundasang and decided to slow down a little and save up for future adventures instead. Who knows? Maybe next year I’ll be wandering through the streets of the Netherlands. Meeting Justin would definitely be the cherry on top.
This Year Felt… Different
Even without the trip, this birthday felt incredibly special.
For the first time in a very long time, I felt truly celebrated. I usually spend my birthdays alone, which I’ve always been perfectly happy with. But this year? My friends and colleagues went all out. I received thoughtful gifts, sweet messages, and for two glorious weeks, I basically inhaled cheesecake every single day.
Now I feel fat. 😆
But also very, very loved.
Coping With Aging (And Collagen Crisis)
Let’s be real. Getting older is weird.
There are days when I look in the mirror and feel a little off. Less attractive than I used to feel. My skin is changing, my collagen is slowly disappearing, and my skincare routine seems to get more expensive every year. I’m investing more in my appearance these days, not because I want to become someone else, but because I want to take care of the version of me that exists right now.
If I’m being honest, I’ve always enjoyed feeling pretty. Recently, I caught myself wondering how I would cope if one day I no longer felt that way. It’s probably one of my biggest insecurities about growing older.
Whatever happens, I know self-care will always matter. I hope I’ll continue finding ways to feel good about myself, not because I’m trying to stop myself from aging, but because I want to grow older kindly and gracefully.
Life is Good (Even Without a Ring or a Million Bucks)
Still, I’m not complaining.
Life is far from perfect… but it’s good.
I’m not rich yet, and there’s still so much I want to accomplish, but I’m surrounded by people who love me and people I trust with my whole heart. There’s really very little for me to complain about. Work has been treating me well too, despite the occasional challenges, which I suppose are simply part of life.
At this stage of my life, I don’t think I’m chasing perfection anymore. I just want to keep growing, keep smiling, and welcome only the kind of love that adds peace instead of chaos. If someone walks into my life, may they be a blessing and not a lesson.
To everyone who made my birthday feel so special this year, thank you.
I forget sometimes just how lucky I am. Even during my dramatic episodes (and I have plenty of them 😂), I’m reminded that I’m not alone. I’m wrapped in so much love. I see it. I feel it. And I pray that everyone who has shown me kindness and love receives it right back, twice over.
Always.
X, Hani 🌻
