Birthdays have always been a mix of celebration and reflection for me.
Every year, as another number gets added to my age, I find myself thinking about the person I used to be, the things I’ve been through, the mistakes I’ve made and how much I’ve changed along the way.
When it comes to marriage, well, I’m still single. Maybe in two or three years? Who knows?
Honestly, I have no regrets. My life feels almost perfect right now.
And when I say “almost perfect,” I don’t mean I’m swimming in money or that everything has gone exactly according to plan. For me, a good life is having the things money can’t buy: good health, peace of mind and the ability to appreciate what I already have.
I also want to take a moment to thank my parents for raising me with so much love and care. Life hasn’t always been easy, but they gave me a strong foundation and supported me through so many stages of my life. I love you both, now and always.
Looking back at my 20s, I realise I was a very different person then.
I thought I knew myself. I thought I understood life. I had plans, expectations and a pretty good idea of where I thought I would be by a certain age.
Life, of course, had other plans.
The person I am today was shaped by the decisions I made, the people I met, the places I travelled to, the relationships that worked and those that didn’t, and the mistakes I had to learn from along the way.
If I could sit down with the younger version of myself today, these are some of the things I’d tell her.
1. Don’t Be In Such A Hurry To Grow Up
Your 20s aren’t something you need to rush through.
Enjoy your life while you’re in it. Go out. Laugh until your stomach hurts. Try things you’ve never tried before. Make memories with your friends.
You don’t have to have your entire life figured out at 23.
2. You Don’t Have To Have It All Figured Out
There is so much pressure in your 20s to have everything sorted out.
You’re supposed to know what career you want, who you want to marry, where you want to live, how much money you should have and what your future is going to look like.
Take a breath.
Your 20s are not an exam you have to pass before you turn 30.
You are allowed to be confused. You are allowed to change your mind. You are allowed to take a completely different path from the one you originally planned.
I used to think I needed to know exactly where my life was going. Now I realise that life doesn’t work that way.
You figure things out as you go.
3. Marriage Can Wait
Don’t get married simply because everyone around you is getting married.
Marriage is a big decision, and it deserves more thought than simply asking, “Am I old enough?”
Take your time. Build your own life first. Learn what you want, what you won’t accept and what kind of life you actually want to share with someone.
There is no prize for getting married early.
4. Learn To Support Yourself
Get a job.
Earn your own money.
Learn how to pay your bills and manage your finances.
Even if your parents help you and even if you eventually have a partner who earns more than you, knowing that you can stand on your own two feet gives you a kind of confidence that money alone cannot buy.
5. Never Be Ashamed Of Honest Work
Your first job may not be your dream job.
You might work as a cashier, waitress, receptionist, cleaner or anything else that helps you pay your bills.
There is dignity in honest work.
Don’t look down on someone simply because their job isn’t glamorous. Every honest job has value, and you never know where your first job might lead you.
6. Learn How Money Works
Knowing how to earn money is only half the battle.
Learn how to save it, budget it and make sensible decisions with it.
Understand loans, credit cards, interest, insurance and investments. Build an emergency fund if you can.
You don’t need to become a financial expert overnight.
Just start learning.
The earlier you understand your finances, the more choices you’ll have later.
7. Don’t Put Your Life On Hold
Don’t tell yourself you’ll travel when you have more money, start that hobby when you’re less busy, dress nicely when you lose weight or enjoy yourself when you’ve finally reached your goals.
There will always be another goal waiting for you.
Learn to enjoy the life you’re building, not just the life you’re hoping to have someday.
8. Spend Money On Experiences Too
I’m not saying you should spend irresponsibly.
Save your money. Build your emergency fund. Pay your bills.
But don’t spend your entire youth saving for a future you never enjoy.
Travel. Take the trip. Go somewhere you’ve always wanted to see. Eat the local food. Take the ridiculous number of photos.
Things get old.
Memories stay with you.
9. Travel While You Can
If you have the opportunity to travel, take it.
You don’t need a luxury holiday or an Instagram-perfect itinerary.
Take the budget flight. Stay somewhere simple. Get lost. Try something you’ve never eaten. Talk to strangers. Walk until your feet hurt.
Travel can teach you things no classroom can.
It can also teach you a lot about yourself.
10. Your Circle May Change
Some friendships will last for years. Others won’t.
People grow in different directions. Some friendships fade naturally when your lives, priorities or values change.
Don’t force every friendship to survive forever.
Be grateful for the people who were part of each chapter of your life, even if they aren’t there for the next one.
11. Learn To Enjoy Your Own Company
Learn how to go out alone.
Eat alone. Watch a movie alone. Travel alone. Sit in a café with a book and enjoy your own company.
Being alone isn’t the same as being lonely.
The more comfortable you become with yourself, the less likely you are to stay in the wrong situation simply because you’re afraid of being alone.
12. Walk Away From People Who Keep Hurting You
You don’t have to stay in a relationship, friendship or situation that constantly makes you feel small, unwanted or miserable.
Leaving isn’t always easy. You may still care about the person. You may still miss them.
Do it anyway if staying is costing you your peace and self-respect.
13. Pay Attention To Who You Build A Life With
Don’t choose a partner simply because you have strong feelings for them.
Pay attention to their character. Their values. Their attitude towards money, family, work and responsibility. Pay attention to how they treat people when they’re angry and how they behave when things don’t go their way.
Chemistry can make you excited about someone.
Character tells you what life with them might actually look like.
14. Heartbreak Will Not Be The End Of Your Story
Your first heartbreak might feel like the end of the world.
It isn’t.
You will cry. You will question yourself. You may wonder how you’re supposed to move on.
Then one day, you’ll realise you’re okay again.
Don’t let one painful chapter convince you that the whole story is ruined.
15. Make Mistakes
I wish more young people understood this.
You are going to make mistakes.
Make them.
Take the wrong job. Start something and realise you hate it. Travel somewhere and get lost. Fall for the wrong person. Change your mind. Try again.
The goal isn’t to live without mistakes.
It’s to learn from them instead of allowing them to define you.
16. Don’t Stay Just Because You’ve Already Invested So Much
This is something I wish more people understood.
Time spent is not a reason to keep doing something that no longer makes sense for you.
This applies to relationships, friendships, jobs and even dreams.
You are allowed to walk away from something you once wanted.
Starting over doesn’t erase the time you spent. It simply means you’ve learned something along the way.
17. Learn To Say No Without Feeling Guilty
You don’t need a dramatic reason to say no.
You don’t need to write a long explanation or make everyone understand your decision.
“No, I can’t.”
“No, I’m not comfortable with that.”
“No, I’d rather not.”
That’s enough.
Learning to say no is one of the most useful forms of self-respect you can develop.
18. Trust Your Gut, But Don’t Ignore Facts
Your instincts matter, especially when something feels off.
At the same time, don’t let fear turn into assumptions.
Pay attention to what people actually do. Look at patterns. Ask questions. Give yourself time to understand a situation before making a decision.
Trust is important, but so is good judgment.
19. Don’t Be Too Quick To Judge
You don’t know what someone is going through.
The person who looks unfriendly might be having a terrible day. The person who seems successful might be struggling privately.
You don’t have to understand everyone, but you can choose to be kinder.
A little empathy can change the way you see people.
20. Don’t Lose Yourself Trying To Fit In
Your 20s can be a strange time because everyone seems to be doing something different.
Someone is getting married. Someone is travelling. Someone is buying a house. Someone is building a business. Someone is already making six figures.
Good for them.
Their timeline isn’t your timeline.
You don’t have to copy someone else’s life to prove that you’re doing well.
21. Your Job Is Not Your Identity
Work is important. Having ambitions is important. Making money is important.
But don’t let your job become the only thing you have to talk about or the only thing that makes you feel valuable.
You are still a person when you leave the office.
Have hobbies. Travel. Read. Make friends. Spend time with the people you love. Find things that make you happy outside your career too.
22. Set Goals, But Leave Room For Life To Surprise You
It’s good to have plans.
Set goals. Work towards them. Know what you want.
Just don’t become so attached to one version of your future that you forget to enjoy the life happening in front of you.
Your plans will change.
That’s okay.
Sometimes the life you end up with is very different from the one you imagined, and that doesn’t automatically make it a bad life.
23. Take Care Of Your Health Early
Your body deserves your attention long before something goes wrong.
Sleep properly. Move your body. Eat reasonably well. Drink enough water. Take care of your skin. Don’t ignore things that don’t feel right.
You don’t have to become obsessed with health.
Just don’t treat your body like it will stay the same forever.
24. Appreciate Your Family, But Remember They Are Human Too
As you get older, you may start seeing your parents differently.
You begin to realise they don’t have all the answers either. They made mistakes. They had their own struggles. They were figuring life out just like you are.
Appreciate the people who love and support you.
At the same time, remember that family relationships can be complicated. You don’t have to pretend everything is perfect just because someone is family.
25. Keep Becoming More Of Yourself
Don’t spend your entire 20s trying to become the person everyone else expects you to be.
You will change.
Your priorities will change. Your friendships will change. Your career might change. The things you want at 25 might not be the things you want at 29.
Let yourself grow.
You don’t have to remain the same person just because people are used to you that way.
A Few Final Thoughts
These aren’t rules. They’re simply things I wish I had understood a little earlier.
Your 20s will probably not go exactly the way you imagine them to. You may change careers. Lose friends. Fall in love. Get your heart broken. Move somewhere new. Make terrible decisions. Make brilliant ones. Start over more than once.
That’s life.
Don’t be so afraid of making the wrong decision that you never make a decision at all.
Don’t spend your entire 20s waiting for the “right time” to start living, and please don’t compare your life to someone else’s timeline.
Some people find their career at 22. Some find it at 35. Some get married at 25. Some never do. Some travel the world in their 20s. Others spend those years building something quietly at home.
There is no single way to live a good life.
If I could go back and talk to the younger version of myself, I wouldn’t tell her to avoid every mistake. I’d probably tell her to make them. Just learn from them.
Love people, but don’t lose yourself.
Work hard, but don’t forget to live.
Save money, but enjoy some of it.
Take care of your body.
Travel when you can.
Walk away when something isn’t right.
Stay curious.
And don’t be so worried about becoming the person you think you’re supposed to be that you forget to become the person you actually want to be.
Your 20s are not the final version of you. They’re just the beginning.
Make mistakes. Make memories. Learn as much as you can.
And above everything else, be grateful for the life you have while you’re building the life you want.
Here’s to growing older, wiser and hopefully a little kinder to ourselves along the way.
Love,
Auri Duham🌻
