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Nowadays, dating advice can be found everywhere. It’s all over the internet; you can see it on TikTok, IG Reel, Youtube, or simply Google it and bam! all sorts of dating advice will show up. You’re probably getting it from your family and friends too — maybe even from people you hardly know. Here’s the thing, just because someone is putting dating advice out there, doesn’t mean it’s worth taking even if they mean well. If you’re inexperienced or vulnerable, it’s natural to trust the advice of someone who seems more experienced but you have to remember, every one of us is in a unique situation in which we are dealing with different human beings. What worked for other people might not work for you. So, before you take any dating advice, think long and hard about whether it actually makes sense to you because some of the dating advice out there is truly awful. It can do a lot of damage to your dating life. Yeah, it’s important to see things through fresh eyes and listen to those who have your best interests at heart, but you don’t necessarily have to act. Ultimately, you’re the only one in your shoes. Other people don’t always know or understand your life situation — it’s a good reminder of why you need to trust your instincts.

Here are some of the worst pieces of dating advice on the internet I’ll never follow : 

“Don’t Put All Your Eggs In One Basket”

Like, okay, cool. but thanks for the advice!

I understand that it means you should keep your options open, but the thing is, I wouldn’t want to be an ‘option’ for someone else. I am a whole person with lots of love to give and plenty to offer. So it’s also hard for me to look at men as options. I’ve never been good at putting my eggs in multiple baskets, also known as dating around. It’s never been my thing no matter how many chances I’ve had.

When I truly like someone and perceive that he likes me back, that’s about all I can take. I’ll focus on him until I’m certain it won’t work, only then, I will open the door to someone else. The thing is, with all of these dating apps and social media platforms available these days, many of us choose to keep our options open — with endless swipes, “searching” to find the “right one” or “someone better” which makes it incredibly difficult to find someone who aligns with my values. People keep on searching and changing from one person to another person. It is a never-ending act. It’s not in my DNA and never will be. Once I chose a person, I shut the door completely. What matters is to focus on the person I’ve chosen, build a healthy relationship together, and do whatever it takes to make it work.

“Don’t Text Back Right Away” or “Don’t Text First”

I don’t play the whole “don’t text back within the certain time frame” or “don’t text first” thing anymore. It’s a mind game. I don’t play mind games. I’m too old for that shit. I’m a great communicator, and I expect him to do the same — when I like a guy, I will tell him I like him and I’m going to talk to him. If I don’t, I’m going to leave him. I don’t waste my time and energy on someone I don’t like. It’s very straightforward. If he texts me, I will respond as soon as I read it, regardless of how busy I am at the time. He can text me, double text me, triple text, I don’t care. He’s on my priority list and I’m going to give him my attention. 

I will not hesitate to text him first too and I’d text him in the same way I text my friends — send him memes, talk about random stuff, and make jokes to make him laugh, I have no shame. I don’t hide my desire anymore but, if he is texting me, plays these mind games like going hot and cold and not texting back, I just lose interest. I will not chase him or miss him. I’ll literally forget about him. Some people are into this shit. Nope. I don’t. Never have and never will. 

“Age Is The Same Thing As Maturity”

I’ve dated younger, and I have dated older, which is much much older, and trust me, age is not the same thing as maturity. If someone were to ask me how I’d define maturity, I’d say it depends on various factors such as life experiences, the people we surround ourselves with, and lastly, privilege. Similar to skills and hobbies, you develop them by learning and gaining experiences, not magically waking up with them. Thus, it’s unfair to limit someone’s maturity to age. I’ve met someone older who hasn’t experienced the things that I have and behaving so immaturely. In contrast, I’m also acquainted with someone younger who is so mature at a very young age and who also has accomplished far more than I ever will. So, yeah, age is not the same thing as maturity. It depends. 

“Play Hard To Get” or “Act Like You Don’t Care” 

Another mind game. Many dating advice tells women that they should play hard to get if they hope to attract a man. According to this strategy, men like what they can’t have, so a woman should act uninterested in the man she desires. A woman should ignore his phone calls, texts, etc. Well, to me, it’s nonsense because the best strategy is to show the person you’re interested in that you have high standards and let him know that he meets those standards. You don’t want to appear desperate, but you should still show your interest. Playing hard to get can send the message: “I don’t like you”. I mean, ask yourself, do you really want to continues pursue someone who is sending signals that they’re not interested? So, come on, if you feel it, make yourself noticeable, even if that means texting them a funny joke or comment. Trust your intuition, not your insecurity.

“Everyone Is A Fair Game Until They Are Married”

I’ve seen so many people these days having an affair and not respecting other people’s relationships. I don’t know why they do that and I don’t want to say more about it, it’s not my problem but from what I do know —  if you want a healthy relationship, you need to start respecting other people’s relationships, whether they are legally committed or not. Period. Having an affair with someone who is in a committed relationship is not only disrespectful to the other person but is also a violation of their trust and can cause emotional pain and damage to all parties involved. It’s important to recognize and respect the boundaries of others and strive for healthy relationships based on honesty, trust, and mutual respect.

“Lower Your Standards“

In the past, I lowered my standards in the hopes that it would improve my dating life. It turned out to be the most terrible dating experience I’ve ever had in my life. I’ve learned my lesson and there’s no way I’m going to lower my standards again. Listen, having high standards don’t mean that I want a very good-looking rich man with 6-pack abs, with a height of 189cm. Nope. In fact, I am more attracted to a skinny, cute-nerdy-looking man who wears glasses and is into nerdy things such as books, games, science, or music. Appearance does matter to me, not gonna lie about that, but it is not everything. My standards mean, I see him as a quality man who shares my values and principles and who is also physically, mentally, and emotionally compatible with me. So yeah, it is very important to me now. If I don’t have higher standards how will I marry one? 

“Make Him/Her Jealous”

In other words, act like a child. Ok, mild jealousy in a relationship is healthy, but if you wanna make someone jealous on purpose, it is an ugly trait. Why would you intentionally want to bring it out of someone? Sure it may pique their interest at first, but they will quickly discover you are immature and will be ready to move on to someone else who is more ready for an adult relationship.

“Be Your Best Self”

You want him to love and accept you for who you are, not who you pretend to be. Why would you pretend if you intend to be with him for a long period of time? We’re all imperfect and have flaws. Always show who you truly are at all times — not just your best self. You might probably think that you will scare him off but trust me, it’s best because at least he knows what you look like at your worst or at your most extreme, you get it? Both of you can communicate about it, make compromises, and fix what you can for the relationship. Remember that, in the end, we all just want someone who chooses us, over everyone else, under any circumstances – not someone who only chooses us at our best, and leaves us at our worst.  🙂

X. Hani.