I Can Never Understand Why People Cheat.

Cheating is a big issue in Malaysia these days. Every day, I wake up to new articles online, about people getting divorced because their partner cheated on them. It’s truly disheartening. I can’t help but wonder what’s gone wrong with people these days. If one can’t commit to another person, why bother being in a relationship or getting married at all? What’s there to take pride in when it comes to cheating? You’re basically ruining someone else’s life who genuinely loves you. Hurting someone deeply isn’t something you should be proud of in life. It only shows that you are a shitty person who can never be trusted.

I’ve encountered unfaithful husbands not just through online stories but in my personal experiences as well. Once, years ago, I was in a relationship with someone who turned out to be married. He fooled me into thinking he was single but thanks to my strong gut feelings, I caught him lying a few months later. Despite his attempts to win me back by claiming unhappiness in his marriage, I wasn’t easily manipulated by what he said. To me, if someone isn’t truthful to you from the very beginning, they will continue to do so. That is a proven fact. Take my word for it. Whatever problems he was having with his marriage at the time, it was none of my business. It was not my problem. I won’t fix anyone else’s life choices.

I’m the kind of person who values honesty above all else. I would never want to be the reason for a broken relationship or be involved as the ‘other woman.’ A man either has me as his one and only woman or not at all. I don’t believe in sharing my love and attention; I never have, and I never will. If I can devote my love to only one man, I expect the same level of commitment in return.

A similar situation occurred two years ago when a maintenance team came to my apartment to repair the floor tiles. The day after, one of the workers sent me a text, expressing an interest in being friends. It felt awkward, and I hesitantly agreed, thinking, ‘Yeah, sure, why not?’ Initially, I wasn’t aware that he was married. To cut a long story short, one day he said:

“If we met five years ago, I wouldn’t marry my wife.”

I was like, “WTF?” Imagine if his wife heard that. What would she think?

He always looked for a way to hang out with me by seeing if there was something he could fix in my apartment. There was one time, he sent me a text and said,

I feel stressed with work today. Can we meet? Talking to you can make me feel better.”

Yup, this is one of the fu*ked up situations with men I had to deal with. Why can’t he just talk to his wife? What’s the point of having a life partner if you can’t talk to them? When he continued to act in that way, it became an issue for me for a while; 😓 I stopped making complaints about my apartment and fixed things on my own in order to avoid meeting him.

I despise married men and women, as well as people in serious relationships who fail to set boundaries and continue to flirt with others. It doesn’t matter in what way; as soon as they open the door to make room for others, they’ve already taken the first step toward cheating. Even though I’m single, I choose to set boundaries when I know someone has a girlfriend, regardless of how much I fancy that person. To me, it is very important for people to understand their limits. Maybe it’s because I’m a pretty loyal person myself, but I just can’t fathom why someone would cheat on their partner or why anyone would risk someone who loves and cares about them for a momentary thrill or pleasure. At the time, it may have felt like the right thing to do, but ultimately, it resulted in hurting the person they loved and damaging the relationship. It seems selfish and thoughtless. I know that every relationship is different and has its own set of challenges, but cheating just seems like the ultimate betrayal.

I mean, imagine you’ve built a life together, shared your hopes and dreams, and supported each other through good times and bad. But then, one day, you find out that your partner has been cheating on you. Maybe they’ve been seeing someone else behind your back, or maybe they’ve developed an emotional connection with someone else. Regardless of the details, the fact remains that your partner has betrayed your trust and broken the commitment you made to each other. They’ve put their own desires or needs above the needs of the relationship, and in doing so, they’ve hurt you deeply.

Of course, there are many reasons why people cheat. It could be because they are feeling neglected or unfulfilled in their current relationship. Perhaps they were lonely or unappreciated—so they turned to someone else for attention or validation. Then there are those who cheat simply because they can or because they’re not satisfied with the status quo. But even with all these reasons, I still can’t wrap my head around it.

Why not talk to your partner? Why not work together to find a solution or make changes that will benefit both of you? Why risk hurting the person you’re in a relationship with by turning to someone else instead? Why not just call it quits if you’re unhappy? Why bother being in a relationship in the first place? 😤

Every situation is different, and it’s not always easy to communicate with your partner about difficult issuesbut even in the toughest of times, I believe that honesty and respect are key to maintaining a healthy relationship. Cheating is never the answer. It all basically comes down to respect. Respect for yourself, for your partner, and for the commitments, you’ve made to each other. Cheating shows a lack of respect for all of those things.

At the end of the day, I think we all want to be in loving, honest relationships with people we care about and cheating just doesn’t fit into that equation. It goes against everything I believe about what makes a relationship strong and fulfilling. So let’s all try to treat each other with respect and kindness, and leave the cheating to those who don’t understand the true value of a loving relationship.

Let’s strive to be honest, respectful, and loving partners to those we care about.

X, Hani. 


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