For a long time, I thought I was an introvert.
I was comfortable in my own company and rarely felt the need to have people around me. Too much socialising could leave me exhausted, and there were plenty of days when I preferred keeping to myself.
So, I assumed I was an introvert.
As I experienced more of life, I started to realise that the label didn’t quite fit anymore.
I can be incredibly quiet around some people and ridiculously talkative around others. I can spend an entire evening keeping to myself, then find myself talking, laughing and being completely ridiculous with people I feel comfortable around.
I can enjoy my own company and still enjoy being around people.
I can walk into a room and be quiet, observant and reserved. Put me around the right people, in the right environment, and you might wonder what happened to that quiet person.
I’m both.
I’m introverted in some situations and extroverted in others. It depends on who I’m with, where I am, how comfortable I feel and the kind of environment I’m in.
And I think a lot of us are like this.
✅ The People Around Me Bring Out Different Sides of Me
Some people know me as quiet.
Some people would probably laugh if I described myself that way.
Both versions are real.
If I don’t feel comfortable with someone, I can be perfectly happy sitting quietly and observing what’s happening around me. I listen more than I speak. I pay attention to how someone communicates, how they treat other people and how I feel around them.
I’ve always been quite selective about who I open up to. I don’t immediately feel comfortable with everyone, and I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes I need time to understand someone before I let my guard down.
Put me around people I trust, and I’m completely different. I become louder. More playful. More honest. More comfortable. I don’t have to think about every word I say. I can be silly, tell stupid stories, make jokes, talk about random things and laugh until my stomach hurts.
Give me a topic I care about, and I can talk for hours.
I can also be surprisingly outgoing when I’m travelling. I’ve had plenty of conversations with strangers, met people from completely different backgrounds and found myself talking to people I had never met before. Being alone doesn’t stop me from being social. In some situations, it actually makes me more willing to approach people.
A lot depends on how I feel around the people I’m with.
When I feel judged, I become quieter.
When I feel uncomfortable, I become more observant.
When I feel accepted, I relax.
When I feel completely comfortable, you’ll probably see the loudest and most ridiculous version of me.
I don’t think one version is more real than the other. I simply don’t give everyone the same access to my personality.
You can spend years thinking someone is quiet, only to see them around the people they love and realise they’re actually very different.
I think that happens to me quite often.
I’m not pretending to be different. I’m just more myself around people who bring that side out of me.
✅ I Enjoy Being Alone, but I Also Enjoy Good Company
I still love my alone time.
I can happily spend a day reading, writing, watching a movie, listening to music, travelling alone or simply getting lost in my own thoughts.
“I like being alone, but I hate being left alone.”
That probably sums me up quite well. I enjoy choosing to be by myself, but that doesn’t mean I want to feel forgotten or disconnected from the people I care about. There’s a difference between wanting your own space and feeling like you have no one to turn to.
I also enjoy good company. I like going out, having long conversations, trying new places, travelling with people I’m comfortable with and laughing until we have no idea what we were laughing about in the first place.
I’ve become quite particular about the company I keep. I’d rather spend time with a few people I genuinely enjoy than constantly be surrounded by people just for the sake of being social.
I can enjoy a quiet night at home and still look forward to seeing someone I care about the next day. I can spend an entire day by myself and then happily spend hours talking to someone I enjoy being around.
I like having both in my life. I don’t need to choose between being alone and being social. Some days I want my own space. Other days I want good company, a long conversation and somewhere to go.
I think that balance suits me.
✅ My Social Side Depends on the Situation
I can walk into a new place and have no problem talking to strangers. I can travel alone and start conversations with people I’ve never met. I can sit at a table with new people and eventually become part of the conversation.
I can also reach a point where I just want to go home, close the door and have some peace and quiet.
It really depends on the situation.
A relaxed environment with people I’m comfortable with can bring out my outgoing side. A loud, chaotic environment or a situation where I don’t feel comfortable can make me want to retreat.
I might be quiet at one gathering and the loudest person at another.
I might happily spend an afternoon by myself, then suddenly decide I want to go out for dinner and stay out late.
I might ignore my phone for hours, then spend half the night talking to someone I enjoy talking to.
I’ve stopped expecting myself to behave the same way everywhere. I don’t think I need to.
✅ I Still Need My Own Space
Being more outgoing now doesn’t mean I suddenly want to be around people all the time.
After a busy week, too many conversations, too many plans or simply too much stimulation, I can reach a point where I don’t want to see anyone.
I want my room.
My music.
My thoughts.
Maybe a movie.
Maybe a book.
Maybe absolutely nothing.
There are days when I don’t want to reply to messages immediately or go anywhere. I just want to be left alone for a while.
I’ve learned to recognise when I need a break. I don’t always need company when I’m tired. Sometimes I just need a little time where nobody expects anything from me. I can switch off, do my own thing and enjoy the quiet without feeling like I’m missing out.
Being social doesn’t mean I have to be available all the time. I can have fun, enjoy being around people and still come home wanting nothing more than a quiet night by myself.
For me, being alone isn’t the opposite of being social. It’s just how I recharge.
✅ Small Talk Still Isn’t My Favourite Thing
I’m still not the biggest fan of conversations that don’t really go anywhere.
I can do small talk. I’m perfectly capable of being polite, making conversation and getting along with people. I can talk about the weather, what we had for lunch or what happened at work. I just don’t want every conversation to stay there.
I enjoy talking about things that make me think. I like learning something new from another person, hearing a different point of view or getting into a topic that neither of us planned to talk about when the conversation started.
Tell me about something you know a lot about. Tell me about a book that changed the way you think, a place you’ve been to and what you remember most about it, or something you’ve recently learned about history, science, space or travel. Tell me about something you’re passionate about, an experience that changed you or something you learned the hard way.
Those are the conversations I enjoy.
I like conversations where I can walk away knowing something I didn’t know before. I enjoy exchanging ideas, asking questions and getting carried away talking about something we both find interesting.
I don’t need someone to agree with everything I say either. I actually enjoy hearing a different opinion when the other person can explain why they think that way. A good conversation can make me look at something from a completely different perspective.
I don’t necessarily need more conversations. I just want conversations that teach me something, make me think, make me laugh or leave me curious enough to go home and read more about it.
✅ I’ve Stopped Trying to Put Myself in a Box
I used to think I needed to decide. “Am I an introvert? Am I an extrovert?”
I don’t ask myself those questions anymore.
I don’t think I need a perfect answer.
I can enjoy my own company and still look forward to seeing people. I can be quiet and observant around people I don’t know well, then become loud, silly and completely unfiltered around people I’m comfortable with.
I can enjoy a busy social life for a while and then need a few quiet days to myself. None of these things cancels each other out. They’re all parts of me.
I’ve stopped trying to figure out which one I really am. Maybe I’m an introvert in some situations and an extrovert in others. Maybe I’ve simply stopped needing a label to explain every part of my personality.
Either way, I’m comfortable with who I am now.
✅ Final Thoughts
Maybe the biggest thing I’ve learned is that I don’t need to explain every part of myself.
I used to think personality had to be easy to define. Quiet meant introvert. Talkative meant extrovert. Wanting to be alone meant you didn’t enjoy people. Wanting company meant you couldn’t be alone.
I don’t see it that way anymore.
People are more complicated than a label, and I think that’s perfectly okay.
I’m still figuring myself out. I probably always will. There are parts of me that have changed with age, experiences and the people who have come into my life. There are also parts that have stayed exactly the same.
I’m comfortable with that now.
I don’t need to decide which version of me is the real one.
They all are.
And I’m quite happy being both.
Until then,
Auri Duham🌻
“I like being alone, but I hate being left alone.”
Well put!