I’m not naturally a private person. I used to be one of those people that shared almost everything with anyone around me who was willing to listen or worse, on social media and tends to spill the beans easily to the point everyone kind of knew “my story” and the drama associated with it. Yup! If only I could turn back time, I’d tell my younger self that “a private life is a happy life,” but yeah, life has its ways of teaching us a valuable lesson. Over the years, I’ve come to appreciate the value of privacy. I noticed that when the respect I have for my own privacy increases, most of the bullsh*t in my life instantly decreases, which benefits my mental well-being, reduces stress, and even improves social dynamics.
Living a private life doesn’t mean that I never let anyone know what’s going on in my life and bottle everything up. It’s about keeping my self-esteem and boundaries intact. It’s about being smarter about what I share and with whom. Not everyone has the privilege of having a seat at the table of my private life. So, here’s why I chose to keep my life as private as possible:
I want to live a peaceful life.
I have been practicing self-love for quite some time now. I’m getting older, and all I want to do is drink hot chocolate next to a cheerful fire burning in the hearth, while listening to Cigarettes After Sex, in a wooden cabin in a misty forest somewhere in Finland or any other Nordic country. In other words, I want to live a peaceful life. I don’t want to be near any drama or get involved in gossip or issues because I know nothing good comes out of it. I dislike confrontation, exposure, arguments, hassle, fuss, and possible ridicule. I don’t want to give people material they can use against me. I choose my battles now, and all of these are not worth fighting.
I feel safe when people do not know much about me.
People are so mean and not being respectful these days, especially on the internet. The material they have about you may be used against you to gain something they want. I’m fully aware that I can’t control people, but that doesn’t mean I’m powerless. What I can do is have boundaries, keep my personal life to myself, and don’t give people too much information. I only speak when I feel my words are better than the silence; otherwise, I remain silent. If people still have things to say about me, remain silent. I don’t owe anyone a justification for my values and my priorities. My only responsibility is to make sure my mental health and well-being are my top priorities.
Not all the people who are nice to me have good intentions.
I trusted people a lot in the past but always ended up fucked up—with best friends who backstabbed and disrespected me and with partners who manipulated, abused, and cheated on me. I swear, I used to love these people. The younger me would be filled with resentment, but the mature me understands that people make mistakes in their lives. If they own up to it, they can change. Will I want them back in my life? No. Do I wish them well? Yes. For my part, after all of my life mistakes, I’m a better version of myself, and I keep reminding myself that in life, it wasn’t always safe to trust people, no matter how close you are to that person.
I don’t want to have a cheap connection.
If you are following me on Instagram, you will notice I removed most of my photos, and I rarely want to show my face there. I also avoid sharing photos of my family and the people I hang out with. 80% of my friends are now foreigners, and some of them are CEOs and public figures. More reason for me to keep my personal life private, as I don’t want to develop any cheap connections with anyone who tries to be close to me and take advantage of that. I’m also at the point in my life now where anyone who takes a photo with me needs my permission to post it on social media, or it will make me feel like they invaded my privacy. The same thing goes for my dating life; I’m very protective of it. My life will remain a mystery. As I said, not everyone has the privilege of having a seat at the table of my private life.
I want to keep myself focused.
I have goals to tackle. I remember that every time I share my goals with people, they either make me feel unmotivated by their responses or pressured by their judgmental questions, which often lead me to self-sabotage. When I set a goal, it often changes a great deal based on my circumstances. When this happens, I feel like I owe a justification to the people with whom I shared my goals. I want to prevent this. After all, not everyone can see my vision and support me. Besides, words can travel. Nothing good will ever come out of everyone knowing my business. Chasing goals now is more secure without me telling anyone about it. Nobody can disrupt me. I can focus solely on doing the work required to achieve my goals without the need for an audience.
Here on my blog, I will stick to the purpose of sharing my experiences to help others, but as far as every little detail and the ups and downs of my everyday personal life go, I don’t need to go there. I took down most of my posts here that revealed too much information about my personal life. Let’s value each other’s privacy and be respectful.