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I don’t know who needs to hear this, but self-love is a crucial part of good mental health. I chose this topic because many people struggle with self-love—including a dear friend who recently sought my guidance. I’ve been practising self-love for 3 years now, and somehow, I feel like I’ve mastered it and am already in my villain era.

My self-love journey began when I found the strength to heal and grow after the end of a toxic relationship. It’s long, full of ups and downs, and has no real endpoint. It’s not easy, and it doesn’t happen overnight. It takes work and dedication, but in the end, it’s truly worth it.

Here’s how you can start:

1) Disappear; detach yourself from everything and everyone for at least 6 months.

This doesn’t mean you need to change your name, move to another country, or start a new life. No. (Well, if you can afford it, why not? I would do the same.) What you really need to do is disappear from social media—deactivate your Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, etc. Detach yourself from any emotional attachments. Avoid clinging to people or developing special feelings toward anyone. Essentially, you begin to spend time alone. You need no distractions. You can’t fully focus on yourself when your mind is preoccupied with something else.

What I do: I deactivate my Instagram account every 2-3 months when I catch myself spending too much time on it. It’s not a big deal for me because I can literally live without social media. I haven’t used Facebook for more than 6 years now. I dislike TikTok, so I don’t use it. Being able to detach myself from social media has really made me connect with life itself.

2) Stop being involved in other people’s lives.

Once you’ve detached yourself from distractions, the next step is to refocus your energy on yourself and avoid getting involved in others’ lives. You already have your own issues to deal with. Do not, in any way, get involved in other people’s issues, relationships, or lives—it’s none of your business. Stop listening to gossip, stop reading drama, and stop giving it attention. The path to inner peace starts with four words: Not your problem.

Also, for a while, stop reading the news. These days, it’s filled with negativity—pandemics, wars, politics, etc. All these stories and events tend to cause anxiety.

What I do: I mute people on my WhatsApp who often share toxic statuses. I stay away from gossip and drama wherever I go. I mostly listen to podcasts for self-improvement and spend a lot of time reading everything that can boost my knowledge, which led me to develop an interest in astronomy and ancient history.

3) Learn to be happy alone.

If you rely on something or someone other than yourself to be happy, you’ll never truly find it. You need to develop a relationship with yourself. Use the time and energy you usually spend on others to focus on yourself. Learn something new. Find a new hobby. Do things you’ve always been afraid to do alone, like watching movies, dining out, shopping, or travelling solo.

Trust me, once you’ve learned to be happy on your own, you won’t tolerate anything that threatens your happiness.

What I do: I bought a keyboard piano and a guitar and started learning musical instruments. I took a 3-month videography online course at Skillshare. I also invested some money to furnish and decorate my living room and bedroom to make them cosy and comfortable spaces—a haven that I can’t wait to come home to.

4) Invest in yourself.

Look in the mirror and ask yourself: Is there something you’ve always wanted to improve? Stop procrastinating and take action. This is why I said earlier that during the self-love journey, you can’t have emotional attachments—they’ll distract you from focusing on yourself.

Make healthier choices, too. Eat foods that give your body the nutrients it needs, drink enough water, and work out. When you fuel your body with good things, it performs better—mentally, physically, and emotionally.

What I do: I’ve always wanted to wear braces to fix my teeth, so 2.5 years ago, I finally did it. I also started working religiously on my skin with my aesthetic doctor for my acne breakout and other skin concerns. I go for a run 3 times a week and do yoga as well as pilates to maintain my weight and body shape. I also stopped eating fast food and processed food. I don’t drink soda, and I reduce my sugar intake and consumption of dairy products.

Here’s a reminder: It is never a waste of time and money to invest in yourself. It is the best investment you can make; you can never go wrong with it.

5) Become unbothered.

Live for yourself, not what society wants you to be. Do what makes you happy, because your future self will thank you for it. I understand that sometimes, no matter how much we try to avoid getting hurt, we still get affected by people’s words and actions. It’s okay. No matter how good you are as a person, people will always have things to say about you. So, think of people who love you and support you instead. That’s what matters most.

What I do: The only reason I’m happy with my life now is that I never give a crap about what people say about me. Their assumptions about me are also not my responsibility.

6) Do not be afraid of making mistakes.

If I could teach you one thing, I would say the greatest life lessons are usually learned from mistakes. Mistakes are unpleasant and inevitable, but if you know how to learn from them, they will become invaluable. Always work on yourself to become a better person. Own up to your mistakes, learn from them, and move on.

I am a better version of myself now because of all the mistakes I’ve made in the past. I never regret any mistakes I’ve made in my life. They led me to who I am today, which I am very proud of.

7) Entertain your brain every day.

In a world of constant change, keep your brain active. Laugh, watch comedies, enjoy memes, or listen to music. Be curious—it helps you learn faster.

What I do: I watch documentaries, listen to self-improvement podcasts, and organize my life with a daily schedule. I rarely spend time on my phone and focus on being productive

8) Don’t be too hard on yourself.

The journey can be challenging, especially if you’re not accustomed to solitude. The process of becoming a better version of yourself is delicate. You will still make mistakes, as no one is perfect, but it is necessary to be kind to yourself during the whole process.

Just imagine: you are currently in a relationship, but not with other people; the relationship is with yourself. Relationships in general have ups and downs, right? It’s the same. Take your time, recharge, and always come back stronger to your journey, no matter how many times you get distracted. 

What I do: Whenever I feel down, I go for a run. It has improved my mental health significantly.

Before I end my post, I want you to know that self-love is very important. If you’re unhappy, take a step back and start your journey. Everyone’s path looks different, and that’s okay. You are unique, and so is your journey. Celebrate every achievement, no matter how small—it matters. 

X. Hani.