Have You Ever Felt Like You Have No One To Talk To?

Life has been rough for me lately. My mother got ill two weeks ago from a lung infection, and her blood test also revealed the presence of viruses in her blood. I knew she needed proper care and attention, so I asked my brother to send her to live with me temporarily, but I had to rush her to the hospital the next day because she was having breathing problems and her oxygen levels continued to drop. It was a frightening moment for me, and I spent the whole day at the emergency department, waiting to get updates from the hospital. I am thankful to my cousin who was there, accompanying me at the hospital. Without her, I’d be lost and unsure of what to do since I was alone and I hadn’t slept in more than 48 hours at the time.

My mother’s health has improved by the time I’m writing this post. She returned to Ipoh with my brother yesterday. Honestly, I miss having her around after caring for her for more than two weeks. I just hope her health continues to improve. One thing I’d like to mention here is that I now greatly admire people who take care of their sick parents or loved ones. It is never easy, as I experienced it myself. I was exhausted from juggling between caring for my mum and working, as well as from a lack of sleep. So, yeah, I deeply admire and respect those people.

Anyway, I’m at home by myself now, sitting on my couch in my leopard print pajamas, writing about the topic I chose today because I found myself feeling like I’ve had no one to talk to for quite some time now. It’s not like I really have no one to talk to; I have family and friends whom I can always count on. I don’t know, it’s hard to explain, but I’m trying my best here to help myself and others who feel the same.


I’m not kidding when I say I can go days without saying a word to anyone.

This happens mostly on the weekend because, on working days, obviously, I need to communicate with my colleagues. Even so, I limited the conversation only to work-related topics, but when it comes to my personal life, what’s going on in my head, or what I’m going through, no one actually knows anything. I used to have a best friend with whom I liked to share what was going on in my life. Unfortunately, at some point during our friendship, she did me wrong, which led me to remove her from my life completely. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss her. I miss her and our time together, but it is impossible for me to open the door again to people who have wronged me in the past. They are out of my life for good, and I intend to keep it that way.

I’m not sure if I’m becoming bitter as a result of all the bad experiences I’ve had, but one thing is certain: It’s becoming incredibly difficult for anyone to get close to me; it’s difficult not because I don’t give them a chance, but because my mindset often doesn’t match theirs. When this happens, I don’t bother to make friends or keep the friendship going. Aside from my online friends, who are mostly in other countries and with whom I feel connected, I barely feel connected to most people around me. I guess this is the main reason why I feel like I have no one to talk to. I don’t have friends around me that I feel connected to, with whom I feel close enough to talk about my feelings and thoughts, at least not on a deeper level.


Besides, ever since I was a teenager, I’ve always felt a little bit different.

As I get older, it creeps in more. For instance, when everyone around me chose to go down path A, I instead chose to go down path B because, why not? I refuse to follow the crowd. My brain is always looking for answers, which means curiosity is my jam. I question and observe everything. This also might be the reason why I don’t easily get along with people. Not only that, but I also have people who dislike me for no apparent reason. It’s like the moment they see me, they don’t like me, even without me saying any words or doing anything. It annoys me even more when the people they choose to like are the ones who I find very unpleasant. The situation used to make me sad and make me think that maybe I’m not good enough or pretty enough to be liked by everyone. I used to try to fit in even when I didn’t feel like I belonged, but now I don’t give a damn anymore. I’ve realized I don’t have to fit in. Being different is probably a gift I should have embraced a long time ago. So whenever I find someone who gets me, who I can relate to, no matter how far away they live, I greatly value them and do my best to keep them in my life because meeting people like them are extremely rare.


I’m aware that I lack like-minded people in my life who can relate to my interests and problems.

Let’s say I try to tell a friend about something that excites me, but she doesn’t look very interested and switches to a different topic, telling me about something that seems insignificant to me. This happened to me numerous times. It’s frustrating, but I know that it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t care about me. It’s just that her interests and concerns just lie in a different direction. This is enough to show that having no one to talk to is not limited to not having any friends, family, or love life. We can be surrounded by those we love but still feel like we have no one to talk to because the connections we have with them are not always deep enough to reach the level of emotional intimacy. As a result, we’d rather keep things to ourselves than be frustrated by sharing things they don’t understand. So yeah, having like-minded people in our lives is so important because only with them we can talk openly about our thoughts, dreams, and problems without fear of judgment or misunderstanding.


I also know I’m not the only one who feels this way.

Anyone can experience this at some point in their lives. This is the reason why I’m writing this post; I want people who feel the same way to know they are not alone. No matter how good you think my life is, how positive and happy I am with my life, I am struggling too. I have my own battles to fight. The difference is, I always managed to keep myself together. This is why I love writing. Writing makes me feel better, even when I feel like I have no one to talk to. Writing allows me to feel as if I am speaking to someone who is actually listening to me. Writing connected me with others, allowing me to feel less alone with how I felt. Writing has helped me maintain my sanity by allowing me to process all of these crazy thoughts in my head. Writing is my lifesaver. So, I strongly advise everyone to write. You don’t have to start a blog like I did. All you need is a journal. And remember, as a reader, you can always write me an email. I never ignored readers who reached out to me. You guys are the reason why I keep writing.

 

X. Hani. 

 

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