Rejection hurts — it always hurts, and it usually hurts more than we expect it to. There is no doubt about that. Your ego has been hurt, and worst of all, you may even begin to question your self-worth. It’s indeed a painful feeling that every single one of us has experienced, and from time to time, we will be rejected again, and trust me, there’s always next time, ’cause life is about going for things, and when we do, rejection is always a possibility. As much as we’d like for things to always go our way, that’s not how the universe works. Even the most successful, attractive, and wealthy people experience rejection. No one can avoid it.
I recently had a conversation with a friend who got rejected by someone he likes. It hurts me to see him starting to wonder why he isn’t good enough for her. I fully understand why he acted that way because I, too, have wondered at times in my life, why am I not good enough for someone who doesn’t like me back? So, today I’d like to share with you how I cope with rejection in the hope that it might help you too.
Accept the rejection.
The best way to handle rejection is to accept the rejection and the feelings that come with it. Never deny those feelings, because the longer we ignore them, the more they will consume us. Let them all in. Allow yourself a day or two of self-pity in which you really indulge those feelings so that they can be purged for good. You might initially find it difficult to deal with. However, time is the best healer. Avoid falling into the downward spiral of over-analyzing the situation; some questions should be left unanswered. For a few days or weeks, you might have to constantly pry your wandering mind from those dark thoughts, but if you consistently replace them with positivity, your ego will heal faster. Respect and accept the person who made the decision in a loving way. Never go to the level where you handle the rejection in vengeful ways. Have some class. Thank them for their time and for letting you know. Move on with your life. Just know that for every door that closes, another one opens. In the end, we all just want someone who chooses us over everyone else, under any circumstances.
It’s not about you being good enough.
Rejections often have little connection with whether you’re good enough for someone or not. It simply means that what you have to offer is not what they need. Consider it as the lid of Box A not fitting Box B, simply because the two are not made to fit each other, rather than not being “big enough” or “small enough” for the box. Now, the point is, if you are not made for each other, there’s nothing you can do to change that. Love is a choice someone else has to make too, along with you. A choice over which you have no control. Love cannot be begged, pleaded, or outsmarted. It’s either there or it isn’t. You can do everything you can to make the person happy, and be the best person they want you to be, and still, if they don’t love you, they don’t love you, period. After all, you will never be good enough for someone who doesn’t love you. That’s just the way it is. As Dito Von Teese once said :
“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches”
Get back in touch with your worth, value, and goodness.
Rejection is a healthy part of life. Nobody claims it to be a fun part, but when viewed positively, it is necessary to go through it in order for you to grow stronger. So, rather than dousing yourself in self-incriminating thoughts and blaming yourself for the rejection, focus on the good in yourself—keep busy, work on projects, organize your life, and continue to work on self-improvement. Spend less time on social media and more time in your body doing things, creating action and movement. If you don’t know where to start, make a list of your strengths: the times you’ve been kind to other people, the times when you’ve helped someone in need, etc. Remember that getting rejected doesn’t decrease your value. It is part of the process that leads us toward what we’re looking for.
Trust The Process.
This means letting go and having faith that things will eventually work out for you in its own time. You might not get the person you want right now, but you have to believe that it will direct you to the right person. Maybe the person you want right now is actually the right person, but the timing may not be ideal. Who knows? So, let go of control and expectations. Be flexible and go with the flow. Don’t waste your time creating any personal attachments to what “could” be. There are so many torturous things in this life—don’t let someone who doesn’t want you be one of them. One day in the not-so-distant future, you’ll meet someone who will see you and appreciate you for being the unique and beautiful person that you are. Just don’t ever give up on believing that. If you can trust the process, you will recognize that you are exactly where you are supposed to be.
Keeping what’s good, letting go of what’s not.
Too often, the more someone pulls away, the more we end up wanting them. Our ego may cause us to continue chasing them. However, if you can convince yourself to step back and focus on self-healing, you’ll probably end up saving yourself a lot of heartache in the end.
“But, Hani, what if I want to keep the friendship?”
First, lose the emotional attachment. This is what I personally did—I spent less and less time talking to him to the point where I completely stopped talking to him. It took months for me to get rid of it. It’s not an easy thing to do, and I don’t recommend it if you’re not built with strong mental strength. Trust me on that. You need to be able to control yourself first if you think the friendship is worth saving. Anyway, my friendship with him doesn’t change at all when we start communicating again, even after we haven’t spoken for months. No awkwardness or such things. We now communicate as we always do, laugh at each other’s jokes, and most importantly, we still support each other. The idea is that, if you think the friendship is worth keeping, you have to work on yourself first. If not, let go of everything and move on with your life.