I Went on My First Date in Years – That’s Enough for This Year!

I went on a date recently. Can you believe it? It has been a while, but to be honest, I didn’t enjoy it. I would rather stay at home, writing stuff or bantering with Justin. You’re probably wondering what changed my mind since I’ve been talking about not being able to like men (other than Justin) for many years. The bad news is, I still don’t. The good news is, I’m willing to try.

Since I celebrated my birthday a month ago, I’ve thought, “Okay, let’s try meeting someone and see what it’s like.”

It turns out that it wasn’t the best idea. Haha. Let’s try again next year. 😂

Speaking of going on a date, I’m quite particular about what I wear. So, the worst thing a man can do is tell me what to wear, like asking me to dress in a sexy outfit. Such requests immediately give me the wrong impression about the guy I’m about to go on a date with. It feels disrespectful, too. I still remember my ex once saying,

“I won’t say anything about your outfits because I know you’ll end up picking the opposite.”

And you know what? I couldn’t help but wear the complete opposite of what he requested me to wear. That has always been how it is with me. 

In my 20s, I enjoyed wearing sexy outfits, and the more people commented on my short skirts, the shorter skirts I’d choose next. However, things have changed now. I prefer Kate Middleton’s style—elegant and modest. As I’ve matured, I find greater comfort and confidence in dressing in a way that highlights my inner qualities rather than seeking external validation through revealing clothes. Embracing a more refined and sophisticated fashion sense has been a positive shift for me, allowing me to express myself in a way that feels authentic and respectful of my own values. When someone interferes with my outfit choices and asks me to dress differently, it’s clear they don’t meet my standards.



But yeah, I didn’t cancel the date. I went anyway because I’m always true to my word. When I say I will meet someone, I will meet them, especially when there’s already a plan made by both sides. I don’t cancel at the last minute. That means that if you make a plan with me, just know that it will happen. Being reliable and respecting others’ time is important to me. It’s a quality I value, and it helps build trust and strong connections with people. So, no matter what comes up, I make sure to stick to my commitments and be there as promised.

He asked me, “Don’t you feel lonely or miss the affection?”

Sometimes I do, but most of the time, I don’t. After going through a tough and troubled time in my last relationship, my focus now is on prioritizing my peace and well-being. Being with men is no longer a top priority for me unless I find someone who can also contribute positively to my happiness and inner peace. Quality matters more than just being in a relationship, and I won’t settle for anything less than genuine connection and mutual growth.

Anyway, the guy I met was nice. There was nothing inherently wrong with the date; it was more about my own feelings toward being around men. I don’t enjoy it much. That’s also one of the reasons why I prefer being on my own because, to me, it can feel unproductive to go out and meet someone. I don’t gain anything from it. 

It’s not like I don’t like any men at all. I have one. He’s like a male version of me. Finding someone who makes me feel the same way he does is difficult. Until I find someone who truly connects with me on that level, I don’t think I’ll be able to like anyone else, and I don’t jump from one person to another person easily. But sure, when the right time comes, and I finally meet someone who can connect with me on that same level, I will give it a try.

For now, I’m done going on dates because it feels pointless.


X, Hani.


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