Wanderhoney.Com

My friends and family described me as someone with a tough and firm personality. I believe that I fully developed this personality when I reached my 30s. That means I wasn’t naturally like this, and it definitely doesn’t happen overnight either. With the help of my life experiences as well as my dedication and practice, I finally became this kind of person. It’s a game-changer, I must say. It made my life better, and it will undoubtedly make yours too. Here are the things that I stopped doing in order to develop my personality and lead me straight to a better life:

I stopped responding to texts and emails right away.

In the past, I used to have an urge to respond to everyone right away, whether it was work-related or just for texting. Now, my response depends on the type of emergency. I won’t respond to work-related emails and texts after my working hours, on weekends, or during holidays. I also avoid responding to text messages during my ‘me’ time; I’ve set specific phone usage hours. I could read and ‘blue-tick’ the texts without feeling the need to reply immediately. People can wait, and I’ll respond based on my own will and in my own time. I don’t feel anything when people do the same to me. We all have our lives to live. I’ve embraced this mindset:

Just because it’s your emergency doesn’t mean it’s my emergency.

In other words, I’ve stopped being available all the time for people. I don’t owe anyone a response, and people won’t suffer while waiting for one either.

I stopped being attached to my phone.

I am actively using my phone only during working hours. So, if people find me during working hours, they will have a better chance of getting my response. Once I’m home, I don’t bother to look at my phone much because it’s my “me” time. I like to stay focused at home doing things I love, such as writing and watching movies. When I’m out with friends or family, they can hardly see me holding my phone, especially at the dining table, because I despise people who use their phones during meals. I find it very disrespectful. It’s rude, and it greatly offends me. I am an adult, and I expect people to be well-mannered when they are around me.

I stopped hanging out with people I don’t like.

We don’t always get along well with the people around us. We might dislike them due to their attitudes, character, or the negativity they bring into our lives. These people could be our coworkers, part of a friend’s group, or even our own relatives. Despite the reasons, we often choose to continue spending time with them, right? Anyway, I no longer do this. Once I start getting bad vibes from someone, I stop hanging out with them. I don’t try to convince myself that I can tolerate the negativity they bring. If I don’t like them, I don’t like them. I don’t waste my time and energy on people I don’t like. If I feel I want to cut someone out of my life, I’ll just do it. I don’t think twice because they don’t bring any benefit to my life.

I stopped saying “Just be yourself.”

Being told to ‘just be yourself’ everywhere you go may indicate a lack of maturity. It’s not the most practical way to approach life. I stopped using the phrase because I realized it was not enough. The proper approach is to be yourself in a respectful manner. You should be able to adapt yourself to different situations and environments. For instance, you can’t be a happy-go-lucky you, be loud, burst out laughing uncontrollably at a formal event, or bring your personality at home to the public eye. If you believe it to be fake, it is not. It’s about how you carry yourself well. As a result, people will see you with a lot more respect.

I stopped responding to negativity.

I have my own haters and occasionally receive unpleasant texts and comments from people using fake names and profiles. I used to be bothered by it, and I would waste my time and skills trying to identify the person. Not only that, I was easily triggered, which urged me to respond. Thank goodness I’m not like that anymore. I’m much calmer now, which saves me a lot of time and energy. I started to be unbothered by negative comments when I realized that being attacked wasn’t about me; it was about them. People who are content with their lives will not attack you because they don’t have time for that. They attack you because they need to fill a void in their hearts by attacking you

I stopped waiting for someone to text me first.

I’m not sure why we’ve taught ourselves (mostly women) to wait for a person to text us first. I stopped doing this because it was affecting my life. It used to mess with my head and ruin my day. I want to live my life in peace, without lingering questions running through my mind. Now, whenever I think of texting someone, I just go ahead and do it. Whether they respond or not, it’s not my concern anymore. What matters most is that I tried. Life is too short to keep waiting for something we didn’t even know would happen. We need to take action to make it happen.

I stopped being so quick to feel sorry for others.

People can easily fool us by telling us sad stories in order to gain our sympathy. Most people are bad actors. If you take time to think before you feel sorry for them, you will find that these people’s stories don’t add up. Furthermore, when you are so quick to feel sorry for others, it will almost always take a toll on you. I’m at the stage of my life now that I’d be the last person you’d want to tell a sad story about. I don’t easily feel sympathy for others. Not until I see it for myself and am convinced enough to believe it. Most of the time, I don’t care and tell myself “It’s not my problem.”

I stopped saying “Yes” to everything.

We’ve all been guilty of saying ‘Yes’ to things we’d rather not do. Most of the time, we do it because we want to help, be nice, and be liked. I stopped saying ‘Yes’ too often when I realized I was getting burned out, doing too much for others and not enough for myself. It was a difficult realization, but it has made me happier in the long run because I’m now taking better care of myself. Most importantly, I feel more in control of my life. No matter how hard someone tries to convince me to do something I’d rather not do, when I say ‘No,’ that’s how it will always be.

I stopped explaining myself.

People judge you based on their own views and ideas, not on the facts. No matter how much you try to explain yourself, they will only understand at their level of perception. I used to explain myself a lot in the past because people usually misunderstood me due to the fact that I chose to live my life differently. Everything about me is different from anyone else around me. I kind of broke the generational mold. I stopped explaining myself when I realized that, in the end, these people mean nothing to me and they contribute nothing valuable to my life. What matters most is that I have family and friends who know who I truly am and love and support me unconditionally.

I stopped being frugal when it comes to my appearance.

We tend to think of our looks as separate from who we are. But it turns out that physical traits like height or attractiveness may shape our personalities and behaviors. A person is more likely to act confidently when they feel good about how they look. We all know this is true, no matter how much you try to trick yourself into thinking what matters is what’s ‘inside’. I used to take my beauty routine lightly until I started to have an acne breakout. My confidence was directly impacted. I felt awful about myself. Since then, I have stopped being frugal when it comes to beauty. I invested some money in regular skin care at a skin clinic. I also began to use quality products suggested by dermatologists. Life becomes much easier for me when I regain my confidence. Being a woman is so f*cking expensive. 

X. Hani.