My big brother, has been nagging me lately to go out, meet some guys, and pick a hot one for myself. “Go wild,” he said, “Have some fun!” Well, apparently, seeing me minding my own business at home bothers his Viking blood greatly. I mean, I can totally relate to this:
Though for myself, I would say, “There is nothing of any interest for me out there, in my city, at all” I can’t say ‘on earth’ because I am living a happy life. There are plenty of things out there, on earth, that always excite me; like the smell of vanilla when it touches my skin, the calmness I feel every time I walk barefoot at the beach listening to the sound of the sea, the joy of being at the airport to catch a flight, the hope I have when I gaze up at the night sky full of stars with my eyes fixed on just this one star wishing one day I’ll be able to hold it, and with all these amazing people in my life, plenty of goals to tackle, more places to go, the Netherlands, Stroopwafel, and many more. It’s just that, there isn’t much excitement around where I live. So I would rather stay at home. Home is my sanctuary where I meditate, detach, relax, treat myself well, and do my best thinking. It is also where I write, create, and get in touch with my purpose.
If you’re wondering why I haven’t been traveling this year,
Well, I needed to put my travel plans on hold. I’ve been spending a lot of money on Dermatologists to treat my acne breakout that started in 2019. Thankfully, my face is now completely healed, but to be completely honest, being unable to travel stressed me out big time. However, other than being patient, there isn’t much I can do. I also dislike going out and just hanging out with people aimlessly, let alone dating around. It feels like I’m wasting my time. I’m not a party animal either; never have been, and never will be. People who know me well are aware of how much I hate being outside, around people that I barely know, and how difficult it is for a stranger to approach me in person—especially for a man. I would typically say “leave me alone.” I’ve reached a stage in my life where I’m feeling content being by myself, and it will take someone extraordinary to even start a conversation with me. Don’t get me wrong, I am not in any way full of myself or anything of the sort. I’m just so done with people’s bullshit that I’ve set my boundaries.
So, it annoys me when people don’t understand this aspect of my personality. I don’t want to live my life based on what other people think I should be. I’m happy with who I am right now, and I want to stay that way.
OK, I wanna share this story with everyone.
A few months ago, I talked to a friend while I was watching a TV series. He said, “How can you make more money if you are not hustling enough?” He continued, “Watching TV is a waste of time.” He’s a businessman, btw, and money is apparently everything to him. I was like, “F*ck off.” — You have no idea about my life; what I’m struggling with, and what I’ve been through to even get to where I am now. If making money means I can’t give myself a break, can’t enjoy what life has to offer, can’t spend time with loved ones, and must stop caring about my well-being, then f*ck hustling. I don’t need that. I’m grateful for what I have. Yes, money is very important. In fact, 80% of my problems will be solved if I have enough money, but I don’t let money be an excuse for not living my life.
People need to stop having this toxic money mindset in which they think they have the right to disrespect and look down on other people’s lives and believe they know best. Everybody wants to live a good life, but it’s hard to deny the importance of luck in life. Someone can be as hardworking as you with the same talent, ability, and skills, educated as you, or even more attractive than you and still not have the slightest bit of luck in life because not everyone has the same luck. It is just the way it is. In the end, though, we cannot control our luck—good or bad—but we can only control our effort and preparation, as well as maintain a positive mindset to keep going. It’s not right to compare your life with others and expect them to live and have the same life as yours. Our path is different. It’s unfair, especially to those who don’t get to choose the life they want to live because of poverty, family responsibilities, or health issues. It’s a fact and someone out there is dealing with it right now.
By the way,
I’ve been dealing with a messed up sleeping pattern for a while now. 4:00 AM is either my bedtime or my wake-up time. It’s crazy, yeah, but I now like spending time being awake. Maybe I’m not a human. Haha. Someone once said, “It’s like you are jet lagged every week without traveling.” I mean, he’s not wrong though. He talked to me during crazy hours when I was supposed to be sleeping, but I’m extremely thankful for the time he spent talking to me and to be honest, for having him in my life in general. Despite the fact that he lives on the other side of the world, he’s still, so far, the only man that I like and admire (I don’t like most men btw) and also the one that I feel most connected to. Every time I talk to him, and it has been a year now, he never failed to make me laugh and somehow, I always managed to come up with jokes and pick-up lines to make him laugh. Yup! He’s the best. Can I kidnap him already? Haha. If I started gushing about how much I like and value our friendship—which I genuinely do—it would take up the entire post. So I won’t talk about that here, 😀 but yeah, I believe my love of writing contributes to this sleeping pattern because my brain is more active in the middle of the night. With the quietness during that hour, I am more focused—I’m thinking better, and I feel more creative. I’m not sure how long I’ll be dealing with this sleeping pattern, but what I do know is that I’m happy with what I do. My writing may not help the world, but knowing that it may help someone else’s world is enough for me.
I’m listening to It’ll be okay by Shawn Mendes by the end of this post. Such a beautiful song. It’s funny how yesterday I was learning for 4 hours how to make poems and song lyrics, but ended up remembering nothing. I don’t know whether it’s hard to learn, or because I didn’t learn enough or maybe I just need more time to learn (duh, obviously!). I want to be able to write something as poetic as The Lakes by Taylor Swift. OK, I know some people will be like “ugh, your taste in music sucks.” — this happens to me every now and then. I don’t understand what they mean by ‘taste’ because I literally listen to everything. The difference is that I adore and appreciate words. I admire people who are able to put what’s in their hearts or feelings into words, which can sometimes bring me to tears—that is how much words can affect me. Basically, as a writer or blogger or whatever you want to call me, words are very important to me. It inspires me. Just know that, if you make someone feel bad, dumb, or stupid for their interests or enthusiasm for something, you are the worst kind of person. I like many things in life, but I never criticize people who do not share my interests. Instead, I respect them and expose myself to whatever interests they have to give myself a chance to learn and see things from their perspective.
So yeah, by this, you know I take words very seriously especially when it is heart-related. You probably can’t trust me with Mcdonald’s fries but you can trust me with my words. Sh*t, that doesn’t rhyme. Haha. but I hope you understand what I mean. Okay, enough rambling for today.
Til next time. X, Hani. ♥