Is It Okay To Look At Your Partner’s Phone?

I recently came across a video on Instagram where a woman asked her husband if she could use his phone. Despite her simple request, it was striking to see how determined he was in his efforts to manipulate her just to avoid giving it to her. I don’t know if you know it, but it’s common knowledge that when a partner is secretive and overly protective of their phone, it’s a major red flag🚩🚩🚩

Inspired by the video, I decided to test things out with my partner to see how he would respond. Throughout our relationship, I’ve never attempted to look at his phone. I made a promise to myself that I would never touch his phone unless he allowed me to. However, it’s a different story from my side, as he’s welcome to use mine anytime. As his partner, I want him to have unrestricted access to it. So yeah, he has my password.

At first, I was nervous about asking for his phone. Despite him being my partner; I was really scared of the outcome.

“What if he hesitates? Am I ready enough to deal with it?”

It took me a few minutes to gather the courage, mustering it by staring at his face, before I finally dared to ask,

“Sayang, can I see your phone?” 

His answer:

“Yeah, sure, take it.” 

I was surprised by his quick response. I expected him to ask me why! 😂 Most men I’ve known would ask why, my exes included. He didn’t. 

Gosh, I felt so relieved. He handed me his phone without hesitation, though he did seem a bit scared. He admitted feeling a little frightened when I asked. He thought he’d done something wrong since I suddenly wanted his phone. Honestly, I had no intention of going through his phone. I only wanted to see his response. Even when I held it, I only searched for my name to see how he had saved it in his contacts. Then, I put it down and smiled. He often reminds me, “Your happiness is my happiness,” and I can see he truly lives by those words.

It made me realize just how strong our bond is. I’ve never felt this safe and secure with a man. 

I’m not keen on checking his phone for one simple reason: I’m afraid of what I might uncover. I suppose I’m not emotionally prepared for it. I love him dearly, and I know it could potentially jeopardise our relationship if there is something there that might upset me. That’s why, even when his phone was within reach, I simply chose not to bother with it.

But here’s the thing—I’m also very lucky. He constantly makes me feel so safe and secure that I don’t have any doubts that would trigger me to look at his phone. He always communicates with me, reassures me, and provides the kind of attention, love, and support that fulfills both my emotional and physical needs. It’s so different from my past relationship, where I often felt triggered.

He even mentioned to me,

“You don’t have to ask me next time. You can take my phone anytime you want. I’ll add your Face ID to my phone.” 

I prayed for a guy like him, and God answered it. I’m not saying he’s perfect; we have our ups and downs, and we’ve had our fair share of arguments, but none of them has ever made me doubt him.

For the question, is it okay to look at your partner’s phone?

This is my personal opinion:

A partner or someone you’re in love with, is the person with whom you form the strongest connection possible. You share every aspect of your life, even the most intimate details. So, why the sudden need for privacy when it comes to the phone? It doesn’t quite add up. This behaviour often signals a desire to hide something. It’s not about insecurity, trust, or privacy; rather, it’s about hiding something, and preaching for anything else is simply manipulative. While partners are entitled to their own space and privacy, they should feel comfortable sharing their phones with each other. True relationships thrive on transparency and openness, with no room for secrets or lies.

As for me and my partner, we’re fortunate to share these values and walk the same path. We also use this app called ‘Between’ where we share our details, schedules, plans, shopping lists, anniversaries, and everything else, letting us both access and update in real-time and to remind each other about things and reminisce our memories. We’re committed to sharing every aspect of our lives. We don’t mind looking at each other’s phones and I don’t have to hide anything from him—we can truly be ourselves and we ensure that we can express our feelings openly. Because of this, I can’t imagine being with anyone else besides him. We found each other at the right time, and I couldn’t be happier. ❤

Love, Hani. 


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