Pernah tak bila kita kenal someone, tak ada angin, tak ada ribut, tiba-tiba dia hilang? Dia berhenti cari you, text you, call you or reply to you. Ataupun, baru semalam you keluar dengan dia, dia belikan bunga, being lovey-dovey bagai, but the next day tiba-tiba dia tak text or call. Hilang. Dia baca your text tapi left you on read or worse, dia blocked you. You pun tertanya-tanya apa salah you? apa you dah buat? padahal semalam ok je. Tak masuk akal kan? Ok, firstly, you kena tahu term “ghosting”; boleh rujuk sini. Tapi apa pun, just know that you are not the only person yang kena macam ni. Most of people nowadays, ada pengalaman kena ‘ghosted’. It sucks because the question “kenapa?” akan selalu bermain dalam fikiran sebab you tak dapat ‘closure’. Banyak persoalan yang tak terjawab tapi you tak mampu nak buat apa-apa. People pilih ‘ghosting’ sebab itu cara paling mudah untuk tinggal someone. Diorang tak cukup berani untuk deal with things cara matang. Diorang tak peduli apa you rasa as along diorang lepas. It hurts, but personally, I’d rather be hurt in a mature way than to be left without any closure or ‘ghosting’. If you are in this kind of situation right now, this is how you can move on :
1. Jangan salahkan diri.
Bila kena ‘ghosting’, ingatkan diri yang you tak ada buat salah apa-apa. It’s not you, it’s them. You tak boleh nak kawal someone’s actions or behaviour. You akan rasa celaru untuk beberapa hari tapi ingatkan diri, if that person betul-betul sukakan you, dia tak akan letak you in this kind of situation. You are in this situation because they don’t care.
2. Berhenti text atau call that person.
Don’t blow up their phone with your text and phone calls. Have some pride. Cukup hanya 2-3 text messages/calls. Bila you tahu dia memang sengaja ignored you, jangan buang masa tulis text panjang berjela untuk explain your feelings. Trust me, they won’t read it, malah, bila you buat macam tu, you hanya buat dia rasa yang tindakan dia tu betul. So, control yourself and have some pride. Sibukkan diri buat aktiviti lain.
3. Jangan seksa diri.
Memang kita punya nature untuk ada curiosity. Macam kawan I, dia ni completely stopped reaching out to this guy but at the same time dia nak tahu jawapan. Macam I cakap, benda ni akan ganggu fikiran. Fortunately for her, dia ni lawyer, banyak connection. So, agak senang for her untuk dapatkan info about that guy. While, for many of us, kita tak ada kelebihan macam ni. Paling terbaik pun yang kita mampu buat adalah stalk their social media. Tu pun belum tentu boleh dapat jawapan. Jangan seksa diri untuk dapatkan jawapan. Some things are better left unknown. Lagi lama you stuck dalam situasi ni, lagi sakit you akan rasa.
4. Belajar untuk atasi situasi dan move on.
I know, it is easier said than done. Tapi percaya la, once you decide untuk move on, benda akan jadi lebih mudah. It’s hard at first but then it will slowly fade away. Padam nombor phone dia dan text messages. Tak payah nak baca your old conversation with him. As I said above, jangan seksa diri. Padam everything. Accept the fact that this person is no longer in your life. They just crossed your path but they are not meant to stay.
5. Fokus pada diri.
You mentally akan rasa down during this period. So, try to build yourself again. Go out, and have some fun. Pamper yourself. Do some shopping. Sibukkan diri buat aktiviti yang you suka. Keluar dengan kawan-kawan atau cari kawan baru. Satu perkara penting you kena tau, cara terbaik untuk deal dengan kena ‘ghosting’ adalah buat benda yang sama to that person. Dia mungkin ingat you akan merayu, untuk bercakap dengan dia, tetapi bila you buat benda yang sama, you actually messed up with their mind too. You akan buat dia tertanya kenapa you macam tak kisah. In some cases, the person who ghosted someone texts them back. So, focus on yourself.
Ok, that’s all for now. Hope this will help many people out there. Take care!