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Have you ever found yourself in the dreaded situationship zone? You know, that strange limbo where you’re more than friends but not quite lovers, with no real commitment in sight? It’s an undefined space that can start anywhere—whether you meet someone online, in person, or through mutual friends. At first, it might feel exciting—freeing even. Over time, it can become confusing, frustrating, and downright exhausting.

It’s like being in a relationship without the security. You crave commitment, but the other person just can’t seem to offer it. They hold on to you tightly enough to keep you around but refuse to take the next step. And as your feelings grow deeper, so does the confusion and heartache. It can leave you wondering,

“Should I stay or should I go?”

While the answer isn’t always straightforward, one thing is certain—the longer you stay, the more it can hurt.

My Situationship Experience

It was one of the most confusing experiences of my dating life. We hit it off immediately when we met. We had so much in common—we were born in the same week, shared similar hobbies, and connected on almost every level. He was everything I looked for in a guy: tall, fit, stylish, with an impressive career and a love for travel.

He treated me like a queen, called me his soulmate, and even wrote me a poem because he knew how much I loved poetry. We texted every day, exchanged good morning and good night messages without fail, and had weekly phone calls filled with laughter and deep conversations. He always knew how to make things right if I was upset. Can you blame me for falling head over heels?

But like all good things, it didn’t last forever.

The Shift

As time passed, we started talking less. He’d always have a reason: exams, work, a fundraising event, or renovating his new house. I understood—life gets busy. He’d apologize, explain things, and reassure me that he still cared. For a while, that was enough.

But the distance between us kept growing. Despite his reassurances, I couldn’t shake the uncertainty. He’d avoid sharing personal details, like his home address, and he never showed interest in my social media. Even on Valentine’s Day, when others reached out, he didn’t. These small red flags piled up, making it harder to ignore the truth: I was in an undefined relationship, clinging to hope.

How It Ended

Moving on from him wasn’t easy. When you invest so much time and energy into someone, even without being in a relationship, the pain is similar to that of a breakup. It took me a long time to completely let go of my feelings because I genuinely liked him. It’s crazy, right? He was living rent-free in my head, but eventually, my mind learned to live with it. I never reached out to him, not even as a friend. We had our moments, but I had to accept that it was over. All the energy I gave him, all my time and emotions—they were just gone, and there was nothing I could do about it. He was never really mine and never “a friend” to even begin with.

Do I want him back someday? Well, I can’t predict the future. What I do know is that I would rather open the door to give a chance to another guy. Once I close the door on someone who isn’t sure about me, I close it forever. My worth doesn’t decrease based on someone else’s inability to see it.

“Was he sincere?”

I don’t know. What I do know is that situationship aren’t healthy. It can mess with your well-being and mental health. It works for some people but for those who are monogamous, this is not something you want to get involved in.

Lessons Learned

Looking back, I realized how important it is to recognize the red flags early:

1. Lack of Transparency: Avoiding personal questions or sharing basic details is a sign they’re not fully invested.
2. Uncertainty: If you’re constantly unsure where you stand, it’s a major red flag.
3. Minimal Effort: Genuine relationships involve mutual effort. If it feels one-sided, it’s worth re-evaluating.

I also learned that a situationship can blur the lines between love and attachment. It exists more in our heads than in our hearts. The truth is that we can fall for someone’s potential as easily as we can for their reality, but that feeling isn’t really love; it’s attachment, projection, and hope. Ultimately, you cannot be in a relationship with the idea of someone.

Moving Forward

If you find yourself in a situationship, ask yourself:

“Is this worth my time and energy? “

Relationships should bring clarity, not confusion. Don’t settle for less than you deserve. If someone can’t meet your needs for love and commitment, it’s okay to let them go.

And remember, moving on isn’t about forgetting the good moments. It’s about acknowledging the lessons and choosing to value yourself. Every connection, whether it stays or fades, teaches us something valuable.

So to anyone in a similar situation: Be honest with yourself. Embrace your emotions, learn the lessons, and know your worth. Sometimes, walking away is the most empowering thing you can do.

Much love!

Hani.