I recently met a friend for coffee. Oh, Well! Someone finally got me out of my cave! 😁 She’s aware that I don’t like to go out without a special reason, so she baited me by saying, “I know a place with delicious cheesecake. They have salted caramel lattes too. I will pick you up!” Sh*t! It’s one of my weaknesses! How can I say no to that? I quickly changed into my most comfortable jeans and a white top, put basic makeup on, and pulled my hair back into a high ponytail. This isn’t my best look if compared to how I used to look, but this has become my go-to look, but yeah, I really need to do some shopping, though. What if I change my mind and decide to put myself out there again? 😂 I have nothing new to wear. I used to enjoy dolling myself up, but now that I don’t leave the house very often, I’ve become too lazy to do so. Anyway, it has been quite some time since the last time I had a girl talk, and I thought it would be a good idea for me to meet up with her so that we can both spill the tea! Oh, yeah. I will soon share part of it with you guys here.
I haven’t spent as much time writing this week. For the past few days, I’ve been focusing on getting enough sleep after I noticed that my dark circles getting more noticeable. I freaked out, and I couldn’t stop looking in the mirror to see whether it had gone away after I rubbed my eyes with an ice cube and wore a hydrating mask. I was hoping for a miracle that it would go away overnight, but, well, obviously, it doesn’t work that way. As Jay said, I still have to catch up on 24948 hours of sleep. What a random number! Haha. Who knows, maybe my dark circles will go away when I have 0 hours of sleep to catch up on! That means there’s a lot of sleeping to do, which is something I am not sure I will be able to commit to.
So, what’s girl talk without a discussion about guys and dating, right? Unless we’re talking about our periods and how annoying they are, most of the time, we girls talk about guys a lot. My friend asked me if I had thought about getting married, and I answered that, at this point in my life, I don’t think at all about getting married. She said she doesn’t think about it either after her first marriage failed, but she really wants to have children so that when she gets older, she has children to take care of her. After hearing that, I explained to her why it’s a poor mindset, which I’d like to share with you guys here because I know many Malaysians have this kind of mindset of raising children with the expectation that the children would take care of them in the future and that the children need to repay for what their parents have done to raise them.
If you too have this kind of mindset, hear me out, you had sex with your partner and chose to give birth to a child (who didn’t even ask for it). They came into the world because you had ‘fun’ making love. It is a terrible idea to have children with the expectation that they would take care of you when you get older. OK. First of all, it is your responsibility to practice early financial planning for your retirement so that you know what to do when you get older without relying entirely on your children. Second, when you bring another human being into the world, it’s your responsibility to raise them and provide them with everything they need to survive, such as a home, education, support, love, and so on, not the other way around.
Focus on raising your children to be kind, compassionate people who can contribute positively to the world rather than raising them up in such a way that they owe you something in return.
If someday your children are willing to take care of you without you even saying a word about it, congratulations, it shows that you have done a great job of raising them. It’s not something you have to force or expect them to do and keep reminding them that they have to repay you for raising them. No, again, bringing them into the world is your choice, and the way you raise them really matters. Just do your job as a parent. You’ve already spent time living your life. Don’t ruin your children’s lives for the things you expect them to do. It’s a poor mindset that will be passed down from generation to generation because when you don’t complete your own life, you expect someone else to complete it for you. So, yeah, it will be passed down. Your children have their entire lives ahead of them; allow them to live their lives as you once did or even better than you did.
If I had the same mindset of expecting to have children to take care of me in the future, I’d rather not have children at all and let the mindset die with me. After all, you don’t know what your children will become in the future. So, it is crucial to plan your own retirement without involving children in the process. You are responsible for taking care of yourself regardless of whether or not you have children.
And then, we changed our topic. She asked me, “You really aren’t dating anyone, huh?” with a skeptical face and continued, “Not even going on a date? Who are you?!” she laughed.
I explained to her why I don’t want to get involved with anyone and take another risk of getting my heart broken again. Plus, I don’t like being around men at all, and I jokingly said:
“I get annoyed easily, even when I hear them breathing.” I laughed.
She asked again, “So, you are not even talking to any men?”
I answered that it would be lying if I said no. I mean. I talk to some men once in a while when they text me, depending on my mood, but there’s only one guy that I can consistently talk to without getting bored because I like him; apparently, he is the only male species that I am able to like. I’ll reply back as soon as he texts me, while others need to wait for 3–7 business days or even 14 days, or I won’t text back at all.
“I can’t hear him breathing, So…..” Hehe, I chuckled.
Excitedly, she said, “What’s special about him? Let me see him,”
I showed her his Instagram, and she said, “Ahhhhhh. No wonder. He is both cute and nerdy. Definitely your type.” I explained to her that it’s a bonus, but in general, what I love the most is the connection I have with him. I rarely experience that with a man. I feel very comfortable talking to him, which makes me happy. I don’t feel pressured. I can easily joke around with him, say stupid, silly, dirty things, or even use curse words without feeling embarrassed. I am not restricted in any way from being able to just be myself when I talk to him. So, yeah, he’s very special.
I also continued saying, “Well, I don’t have much to say, really. He’s young if compared to us, but yeah, to me he’s very interesting.”
“Is he the same guy that you mentioned on your blog?” She asked with her face filled with curiosity.
“I dunno. Maybe. Don’t follow him on Instagram.” 😂 We both giggled when I said that.
She then said, “I’m very curious. You don’t just avoid men for so long just because someone broke your heart. Come on, we both know that’s not you. I’ve known you forever. I believe there is more to the story that you have never told anyone, correct?”
It’s the first time anyone has ever said that to me, and yeah, she’s right. There are some things I must carry with me till the day I die, and bury them with me. For the time being, I’m happy that I’m not emotionally attached to any man. I no longer have to wait for someone to text or call me; I no longer have to wonder why he doesn’t text me; I no longer have to feel unimportant or disrespected because he is too “busy” to tell me a single word that he is busy, and I no longer have to lose countless hours of sleep waiting for him to text me and continue looking at his last seen. I no longer have to question myself about why I am not good enough for someone to treat me right. I don’t have to cry for a man anymore. So, yeah. I’m happy being by myself.
I’ve realized that having a girl talk with her makes me feel good overall because it allows me to let go of some of the things that I have been keeping inside of me and it also allows me to get another opinion from someone else’s perspective. It’s something that all girls should do from time to time. You don’t have to talk about everything, but there is always something that you can talk about to help you get things off your chest.
X, Hani. ❤