You Can Be Afraid Of Love But Embrace It Anyway.

Hello there! 😃 It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

Well, frankly speaking, I’ve been pretty tied up these past few months. Life has taken quite a turn, and I’ve found myself juggling between the demands of work and the need to get enough rest. Plus, I am no longer single! Yup, surprise, surprise🥰 With my personal time stretched thin, finding time to write becomes a challenge, but yeah, despite these changes that I’m still adapting to, I’m doing OK. 

These days, though, I find myself getting sick quite often, and I’m convinced it’s just my body waving the white flag from working too much. A friend once asked, “Why are you working so much?” Well, Ali, it’s simple—I’m broke. 🤣 I have no financial fairy godmother looking out for me. So, you know, maybe having a sugar daddy isn’t such a bad idea after all—I’m starting to adore those with sugar daddies. They seem to have it figured out, don’t they? Haha! I’m getting a bit tired of this whole independence thing. Can someone just spoil me already? 😂

Oh, yes! Remember when I said I’m no longer single? Yup! I’ve met someone. It’s still strange for me to think about it. After 4 years of dedicated focus on self-love, I’ve finally found someone who has this magical way of unlocking my heart (other than Justin, of course). Like, who knew that could happen? What’s interesting is that they both share quite a few similarities—nerdy looks, the same age, and similar facial features. I used to tell myself I wouldn’t be interested in anyone who couldn’t match the bond that I have with Justin, but I guess I’ve finally found someone who does. It’s almost as if I can talk to this guy as easily as I do with Justin, and it makes me truly happy.

I wasn’t actively looking for anything when I met him; things just fell into place. I’ve always pictured myself ending up alone, and honestly, I’ve become quite comfortable with that idea, especially since I rarely find myself liking any guy. Commitment scares me, but the more time I spend with him, the more my heart opens up. I like how he talks to me and the way he treats me—he’s gentle and soft-spoken. That’s something I need in my life because I’ve always had to appear strong and independent. Whenever I’m around him, I feel safe, and it calms my soul.

The question now is, do I trust him? Well, it’s simple—as long as I haven’t caught him doing something that breaks my trust, I will continue to trust him. I am a firm believer that people can’t escape the consequences of their actions; no matter how hard they try to hide it, such as in the case of cheating, the truth will always come out. So, if he respects me and considers my feelings, he’ll do his best not to break that trust. I’m not one to impose rules like “you can’t do this, you can’t do that.” That’s so old-school, like a blast from the past when we were all in our school-girl phase. If he wants a future with me, he’ll act right, just as much as I do, to ensure I don’t hurt his feelings. There is no need for unnecessary drama. It’s all about keeping it easy and enjoyable for both of us!

But, of course, there are moments of overthinking. I worry he might treat me as my ex did. Some traumas just never fade, you know? The recurring thoughts of

“What if this is only temporary?”

“He’s going to get bored.”

“Maybe he is still in contact with his ex.”

“He’ll leave me for someone prettier,” and

“This is just a game,”

These thoughts echo in my mind. I’ve seriously tried to pull away from him a couple of times, but it’s reassuring to see how he handles it—providing me with assurance and saying nice things to make me feel better, which is comforting. That’s why I make an effort to communicate with him every time I overthink, seek assurance, and talk to my best friend and my mom for support—they’re always there to remind me that I deserve whatever good things this guy has to offer. What I hope for the most is that he won’t put me through the same experiences I had in the past. I swear to God, if it happens again, I’m locking up my heart for good.

Ok, I don’t want to say that I’m a good woman, but, lol, I know myself and I know I am a good woman! 😂 In a world where cheating and having multiple partners seem normalized, I proudly embrace loyalty. Sure, anyone can be tempted to cheat, myself included, but what sets us apart are the choices we make in life. I have my principles that I hold dearly, and one thing I’ve never compromised on is entertaining another guy one-on-one and seeking attention elsewhere while I already have a partner. The moment I’m in a committed relationship, I close the door and toss the key. Yup, boundaries! While casual conversations in social situations are fine, I won’t let anyone else get too close to me to the point where they have enough space to enter my heart and ruin everything I have with my partner. I am very careful about being friends with people of the opposite gender.

The good thing is that I’m content with my own company. So, my partner doesn’t have to worry about me seeking attention elsewhere. I just want to live my life in peace, with plenty of attention from just one person—my partner—and that is peace. Even if another guy appears to be better, I won’t leave my guy for that reason. In fact, I don’t allow myself to see perfection in someone else. The real concern, though, is that I’m so used to being independent that it can sometimes make it seem like I don’t need my partner, and that can potentially hurt his feelings. 

Love can be scary, but it’s also a healer. Love has hurt me in the past, but, at the same time, it has been the source of my healing. So, if you’re like me; scared of love and commitment, don’t let your past dictate your future. Just pray to God and have faith that you’ll meet someone with the same moral values as yours. It’s tough to find these days, but tough doesn’t mean impossible. Be patient. Sometimes good things happen when you least expect them. 😉


X, Hani. ❤


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